


Save me from the dark

by Circe80



Category: Dragon Age, Love - Fandom, Romance - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:17:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Circe80/pseuds/Circe80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While she was in The Circle, Circe and Cullen were in love. During the Blight, she and Alistair became close and, in time, they started an affair. But, after the Blight, she made him King and agreed to stay his mistress. He visits her at Vigil's Keep whenever he has time. But, her heart still aches for Cullen and she decides to find him. The year is 9:34 Dragon Age. (Slightly AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was the usual evening in Vigil's Keep. All the Wardens and recruits had just finished dining. Circe and her Senior Wardens were in the middle of training their newest recruits and they were all exhausted. They had five new recruits. Young ones, not one over 25. She hoped they would all survive The Joining. They were not harsh with them, but she didn't do any hazing. Everything they do is for a purpose and they had to understand it. They were not out there playing games.

They had a brief each night before the next day's activities. Circe would rather Nathaniel or Velanna did it, but with all the new recruits they barely had time for each other, so she gave them an evening off.

She went to her office. She wasn't spending much time there, so she kept it simple - a wooden office desk, a bookcase, an armchair and a sofa. All beautifully hand carved. A hand knotted wool carpet and tiny oval shape mirror and a huge arched window.

There were lots of scrolls on the table. That reminded her that she had some paperwork to deal with. She hated that. It was highly annoying.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Samuel came in, breathless, before she managed to answer.

"Commander... I'm sorry to disturb you... but we have an unexpected visit... by The King himself."

She jumped off the chair.

"Thank you, Samuel." He nodded and closed the door behind him.

Samuel was a young mage, one of her finest young Brothers. He reminded her of Anders with his wittiness and sarcastic sense of humor.

* * *

Oh, Anders... She'd always known he was going to leave them, but so suddenly...

He was a good friend, a good Warden. Circe and Anders never fought, never had disagreements. One day, he just said he wanted to be alone for the night. In the morning, when the others woke up, they found out that he was gone. He hadn't left one trail after him. Like he'd never existed.

* * *

Circe snapped out of her thoughts. She tucked her bright blonde hair behind the ear, fixed her armor and headed to the front yard of Vigil's Keep. As she was near, she could hear the laughter of other Wardens. Alistair was undoubtedly amusing them with his stories.

She was nervous; she hadn't seen him in months. Circe took a deep breath. Two more steps... and there he was – still so beautiful, with that boyish smile. He glanced at her. Yes... that cute, once innocent boy was now The King. The years of this tiresome and hard duty were showing on his face.

Circe approached and bowed, smiling. "Your Majesty."

He rolled his eyes and lifted her chin. "Please, arise. You know I hate it when you do that. "

She got up, giggling. "Hello, Alistair."

"Hello, Circe." He smiled and caressed her face. He loved her soft dark skin. "You haven't changed a bit," he said.

Circe smiled. "Let's go inside." He nodded.

* * *

As they approached her office, he asked, "So... how are things here?"

"Well… The new recruits are advancing rapidly. It's the most emotionally and physically demanding experience of their lives, all at the same time... but you know that already," she said. "Sometimes it's just too much for them."

"Oh, don't get me even started..." he chuckled. "Any news from Amaranthine?"

"All is well, my King," she smiled as they entered her office.

"And you, my dear..." he took her in his arms. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Alistair."

The last time Alistair looked into her mesmerizing light green eyes seemed like forever. He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on her lips. She caressed his back slowly. She knew where this was leading: to her bedroom. She didn't mind. She'd accepted it years ago... and she knew, in time, that she wasn't the only one anymore.

But there was something different. She hadn't seen him for a long time and something had changed. Circe frowned and pulled away from him.

"Alistair..." she asked as she sat down, "tell me... Why this sudden visit?"

"You…know me so well," he said. Then he sighed.

"I've been very busy, my dear. Even now... I don't know if I will be able to come and see you soon enough. We... need to talk," he sat down on the sofa.

"You've spent a lot of time in Highever," she said bluntly. He winced. "Oh, Alistair... we're not young Wardens anymore. You're the King now. People talk. I know all about Lady Cousland."

He lowered his head. "I... yes," he sighed again. "I can't lie to you. I can't run away from it anymore. I'll marry her."

Circe got up and approached him. For a moment Alistair thought she was going to slap him. But she didn't. She caressed his cheek.

"As you should," she said. "You need heirs, darling. We always knew it would come to this. "

He nuzzled her hand. "I'm sorry. It's very hard to tear myself away from you." He kissed her palm. "This doesn't have to be-"

"Yes, it has to be an end, Alistair," she interrupted him. "We were always good... great friends. And we'll stay like that."

He caressed her hand. "So this is goodbye."

"Goodbye, Alistair."

He got up and gave her a peck on the cheek. Circe closed her eyes.

When she opened them, he was already at the door.

"Alistair!" she cried after him.

"Yes?"

"Wait... I wanted to ask you something..."

"Anything." He smiled.

"I've been thinking for these past months. I want to... find Cullen... and recruit him. "

"Cullen? That Templar?" he asked surprised.

"Yes," she almost whispered.

"You know you don't need my permission to do that. Just... remember what happened the last time you saw him. And I heard some rumors-"

"I know," she interrupted him again. "I just..." she sighed, "wanted you to agree..."

"Circe... I know you've always loved him. Since the day I met you, you've worn that amulet he'd given you." He shook his head. "Even though I gave you much prettier and more expensive ones." He took a deep sigh and continued. "We've been through so much together. I just want you to be happy. So go... Find him."

Alistair came back over to her and embraced her as his lover for the last time.

"Thank you," she smiled. He returned her smile and left.

* * *

Soon she heard the clatter of horses' hooves moving away. Circe felt tears trickling down her cheeks. She wiped the tears from her face and went to her bedroom, took off her armor slowly and curled up in the bed. She stared at the empty walls that used to conceal the sounds of their laughter, the sounds of their love making...

The sounds of her pain, her crying...

She kept thinking... Alistair and her, over... Cullen... yes! Find Cullen...

With all those thoughts, she dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn, HCLQueen and Eynla~


	2. Chapter 2

Circe woke up as soon as the first rays of sun bathed the room with a dazzling light. In a matter of minutes she washed her face, dressed up and headed in Vigil's Keep yard. She met Velanna on her way out and briefly instructed her with everything she needed to proceed with new recruits.

* * *

Nathaniel had already lined up the young recruits. Circe greeted them and made a signal for Nate to approach her.

"Nathaniel... Please, go to the stable master and ask him to saddle up the horses. I'm going to Greenfell. You and Samuel are coming with me. "

"Greenfell?" he asked confused. "If I may be blunt, Commander, why in Andraste's name are we going there?"

"To look for a long-lost friend. A Templar... Cullen."

Nathaniel shook his head in disbelief. "But, Commander... we have new recruits... We can't just lea...-"

"Nathaniel!" she snapped. "I've already instructed Velanna with that matter. I have permission to do this, from The King himself, so we're leaving in a matter of minutes. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Commander," he nodded.

"Good... Now do as I asked."

"Circe... Can I... at least say a quick goodbye to Velanna?"

Circe smirked. "Of course you can."

She knew how much Velanna meant to Nate. They had been together for years, it was no secret. They had met during their fight with Architect and The Mother. He stilled called her "my lady". In a way, they reminded Circe of Alistair and herself. She sighed deeply.

* * *

As soon as they entered Greenfell, Circe realized why Knight-Commander Greagoir insisted so much on Cullen coming here to "level out". It was a small village, far north of West Hill.

The landscape was beautiful. Radiating green little hills, few tiny streams. A peaceful forest on the left. A pond full of wild ducks on the right. A lonely fisherman on a boat in the middle of the pond. She sighed.

The village Chantry was not hard to find, since it was the tallest building in Greenfell. Circe introduced herself to Mother Lianne. She was very polite. Unfortunately, Cullen was not there. But she was kind enough to take her to his cell.

When she entered it, Circe asked nicely to be left alone. She examined his cell briefly. A bed, a little night table, and nothing more. Had he found peace here? Had he managed to forget her? She took a pillow from the bed and hugged it. She got teary-eyed and realized just how much she had missed him. He was her first crush, her first love. And now... Three and a half years without him...

She returned the pillow to the bed and walked out of the cell.

On her way out of the Chantry, she showed her gratitude to Mother Lianne and donated a certain amount of sovereigns to the Chantry.

"Nathaniel," Circe called him up when she saw him standing next to the horses. "We're heading to the Circle."

"Commander, it'll be dark soon. I think it's safer if we spend the night in the local tavern."

"Don't worry. We survived the Blackmarsh," she teased him. He rolled his eyes. "We'll set camp a bit later. Come on," she said while she got on her horse.

* * *

The night was peaceful. Circe couldn't sleep much. She was too exhausted to do much more than eat and sit around the fire. She kept thinking about how her reunion with Cullen would be like. What would he say? What would she do? Had he changed much?

They headed to the Circle just before dawn. She rode swiftly, wanting to get there as soon as possible.

When they crossed Lake Calenhad, her heart began to pound hard. There it was. Kinloch Hold - home of the Fereldan Circle of Magi. She had never had another home but this. She knew that she had been abandoned as a baby. The woman who had found her on Lake Calenhad docks took her to The Circle. She heard rumors that she was of Seheron origin, but she had never cared to examine it thoroughly.

It was hard growing up here. The other kids had teased her for her dark skin and her bright eyes. And then one day, when she was a teen, a shy young man had come to The Circle...

"My, my... The Hero of Ferelden," Irving snapped her out of her thoughts.

"First Enchanter," she said with a smile, seeing her old friend.

He chuckled and hugged her tightly.

"It's been years, child. I heard that you're Warden Commander now."

"That's true," she smiled.

"That can't have been easy. It's a great responsibility."

"It is. But I have great and loyal men to help me out. "

They went to his office.

"Now..." he said offering her a glass of fine red wine. "Not that I'm not happy to see you... Quite the contrary, child, but ... Is there any particular reason for this visit? Or you're just homesick?"

She smiled. "Yes, actually, there is a reason. I wanted to see... an old friend of mine."

He got serious at once. "A friend. Jowan? Oh, I..."

Circe frowned. "No, no. A Templar..."

"You don't mean Ser Cullen, do you?" He got serious and got up from his chair.

Her heart raced. She couldn't feel her legs. Had something happened to him? Oh, Maker, please, no... No!

He noticed that she was trembling and he answered quickly. "Circe... Please, calm down. I think it would be best if you talked to Greagoir," he said, offering her his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL HUUUUUUUUUUUGE THANKS to my beta- Graymalkyn~


	3. Chapter 3

_She grinned as she passed beside him and thrust a tiny scrolling into his hand._

_"Will I see you tonight?" Cullen whispered._

_"I certainly hope so_ _,_ _" she whispered back_ _,_ _and ran to catch up with Jowan._

* * *

"Circe..."

"I'm all right," she said to Irving. She got up and followed Irving to the door.

* * *

He guided her through the corridors she knew too well. From the Senior Mages' room, she heard a wicked laugh and babbling. Two female mages were gossiping about her.

"I cannot believe she's here again. Doesn't she have any dignity left?"

"When it comes to Cullen, none. She has neither the will nor the fortitude to walk away, even if she wanted to." Another wicked giggle.

"Excuse me, First Enchanter," Circe said and entered The Senior Mages' room. The women stopped talking. She approached them rapidly. The confusion on their faces was worth enough.

"It's ... Liat, right?" Circe said sweetly to the blond one. "And Maya," she said to the red-haired one.

They just nodded and gulped.

"Listen, ladies;" Circe said with a huge fake smile, "you know who I am. And I know you have had this ... disgusting malicious talk for years. Now, if I hear one more word about me or Cullen, I'll feed you to the Darkspawn. Personally! Got it?"

They both gasped. Circe returned to Irving.

* * *

They continued their way to Greagoir's office. Irving knocked on his doors and opened them.

"Well, look who's back. The Commander of the Grey. Glad to see you're not dead," he said, clearly annoyed.

"Good to see you, too, Greagoir," she answered politely.

"I highly doubt that," he scoffed.

"I'll... leave you two alone," Irving said, and closed the door behind him.

Greagoir watched Irving leave and then looked at Circe. "Is something wrong?" he asked, a bit confused.

"I could ask you the very same question," Circe said as she sat down on a chair.

"Excuse me?" he frowned.

"There is no point in beating about the bush, so I'll be blunt."

"All right." He also sat down, waiting for what she had to say.

"Where is Cullen?"

Greagoir's facial expression changed from confusion to surprise to a frown.

"So... the rumors were true," he said reluctantly.

"Where is he?" she asked nicely, a bit frightened.

"He came back from Greenfell a few years ago, but he couldn't stay here. Too many memories – bad ones, mostly. So...he had an 'episode', to put it one way." Greagoir suddenly got very serious.

Circe paled with fright. "So, it was true... Three mages..." she whispered.

"No, he didn't kill them. He used a Holy Smite on them, but they recovered. I gave him a transfer. He's in Kirkwall now."

"Kirkwall!" she almost jumped out of her seat and rushed to the door.

"Commander!" she heard Greagoir behind her."Circe!" She stopped at the door. "Please don't do anything reckless."

"Don't worry, Greagoir." She turned to him and smiled. "And thank you." She left.

* * *

Nathaniel and Samuel were at the Circle gates. Nathaniel looked at her in an anticipating manner.

"Well...?" he asked impatiently.

"We're going to Kirkwall," Circe said while she fixed her gauntlets.

"Kirkwall?" Nate was startled.

Circe just sighed and rubbed her forehead. Nathaniel looked at Samuel. He was clearly very tired. "I hope he's worth it, Circe," Nate whispered in Circe's ear.

"I hope so , too. We'll all spend a night at The Spoiled Princess. In the morning, we'll go back to Amaranthine. Hopefully we'll catch a decent boat to Kirkwall," she said.

* * *

Another restless night.

* * *

Amaranthine was a well known place. An important and prosperous port city and a center for trade in northern Ferelden. Their second home. The trading jewel of Ferelden; a testament to the strength and steadfastness of the Fereldan people.

"Commander," said Constable Aidan and bowed as he saw them approaching. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Circe was just about to answer, but then...

"Well, butter my butt an' call me a biscuit!" they heard behind them. "Isn't that my old friend?" Oghren chuckled.

Circe smiled widely while she and the others got off their horses. "Oghren! My friend! Good to see you."

"I was thinkin' about ya the other day and here you are. Good on ya!" They patted each other on the back.

"Aaahh, and Howe's little Blighter is here as well!" Oghren said pointing at poor Nathaniel, who frowned.

"Ugh...Oghren, leave him alone," they turned around and saw Sigrun.

"Well, pard'n me. I forgot he's your booooyfrieeeeend." Oghren winked and made a smooching sound.

Sigrun rolled her eyes. Circe smiled and hugged her dear friend. "Welcome, Commander. I thought you'd forgotten about us," Sigrun teased her. "What brings you here?"

"Let's all go to The Crown and Lion," Circe suggested. "I'll explain everything on the way there."

* * *

They had a great time at the Tavern. They talked for hours, had more than a few ales, a nice meal; lots of toasts. Sigrun stated that she wanted to meet this tall sweetheart of Circe's the moment they got back. Oghren knew it would take very little to get Samuel drunk, so by the end of the evening they even found out what a lovely singing voice the young mage had. Circe needed this – to be herself and enjoy. Friendly people, with friendly smiles, and their warm presence.

* * *

In the morning they managed to go aboard a sea-worthy boat, a small cog. Hopefully they wouldn't experience one of those sudden and brutal storms of the Waking Sea. Needless to say, they knew it was going to be a slow and bumpy ride and that the voyage would take at least 3 days. Poor Samuel got seasick the very first day –or perhaps it was the hangover– and Nathaniel kept praying to the Maker that they got to their destination alive.

Circe stood out on the deck and looked out to the horizon while the wind blew through her hair... And she remembered...

_"Are you all right?"_

_She turned around. "What makes you think I'm not?"_

_He winced. "Well, you're here at the balcony, alone... I assumed you're not feeling well."_

_"You know I don't like crowds much, Jowan. Lots of pointing and murmuring and... weird looks."_

_"Oooooh, speaking of looks... That new Templar recruit clearly has interest in you," Jowan teased her._

_"I don't pay attention to the Templars, thank you very much_ _,_ _" she said pointedly._

_"Not even Cullen?" he continued._

_She blushed._

_"Come on... You_ _'_ _ve surely noticed that he likes you."_

_"Stop that right now," she warned him._

_"All right, all right... I'm just... happy for you_ _,_ _" Jowan raised his hands in surrender and walked off smiling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Two female mages are the ones that gossip about Amell right after her Harrowing and in DLC Witch hunt- watch?v=ExFZ2g2rcT4
> 
>  
> 
> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn, HCLQueen and Eynla~


	4. Chapter 4

Knight-Captain Cullen was in his sleeping quarters. It was early afternoon and he was already tired. With all this Qunari threat, he didn't get much sleep. He took off his armor and sat on the bed. He opened the drawer of the night table, took one tiny carved wooden box from it and opened it.

* * *

_She grinned as she passed beside him and thrust a tiny scrolling into his hand._

_"Will I see you tonight?" Cullen whispered._

_"I certainly hope so," she whispered back and ran to catch up with Jowan._

_He unwrapped the scrolling. There was a wisp of her bright hair, and a tiny note "Tonight. Apprentice Quarters, 'inner' library."_

* * *

He sighed and caressed the wisp of her hair ever so gently as if he was afraid it was going to break. "Circe..." he whispered to himself.

He put a tiny box back in a drawer of night table and lied down.

* * *

_"Cullen... you're here?"_

_He just stood at the entrance of the inner library, rubbing his forehead, wearing nothing but his robe._

_"I..." he sighed. "You are a mage and I a Templar. It is my duty to oppose you and all you are."_

_He walked slowly toward her._

_"But I cannot restrain myself from you. I prayed to the Maker so much, but I... I just can't-"_

_"Then don't," she reached her palm up to his cheek. He nuzzled her tiny palm and kissed it, then kissed the inner side of wrist. She stared at him, eyes wide open. He stood there, not knowing what to say. Instead, he leaned in and kissed her... just a peck on the lips. He stopped, gave her time to push him away... but she didn't. He kissed her again more passionately, clumsy hands everywhere, a completely new feeling. She parted her lips and their tongues entwined, dancing madly with each other's._

_They devoured each other. She bit his lower lip. That was too much for him. He groaned and couldn't take it anymore. He pressed her against the wall of the stairs and lifted her robe. He was lost in this new feeling when he revealed her bare thighs. Her skin was unbearably smooth. His hands touched her thighs, his fingertips brushing from outer thigh to inner thigh. She tilted her head to one shoulder, exposing her neck to him, and he kissed it fervently._

_Cullen stopped for a moment. He was fighting his inner battle. Maker, he knew this was wrong... but he couldn't... just couldn't..._

_He kissed her softly and gripped her thighs tighter. Circe was lost in his touch. This new feeling made her feel dizzy. She gasped and started lifting the front of his robe. He stopped kissing her and his gaze asked her if she was sure. Circe just continued lifting his robe, until her tiny palm delicately touched his bulge as she pulled out his erected length. He grabbed her face with one hand and kissed her full-force. With the other hand, he moved her undies aside as he pressed lightly against her opening, inching just the tip of his shaft inside her. Her tightness and warmth intoxicated him. He felt her maidenhood and slid further. She opened her mouth in silent scream. His hands underneath her buttocks lifted her, so the whole of his shaft could be pushed into her, each stroke slow and measured, giving them a sweet sensation._

_She locked her legs around his waist. As he was thrusting, he drank the smell of her hair; essence of tangerine flower. He kept kissing her neck, her jawbone, her cheeks, her sweet lips._

_She ground against him even more. He quickened his pace. He kissed her roughly and continued to thrust deeper and faster. She moaned softly into his mouth. He brought her to her peak and that made him climax as well._

_They stood like that, breathless – lust, pain, love, excitement, guilt: all mixed up. He leaned his forehead against hers. Finally, she smiled. Maker, he loved that smile._

_"My dark beauty..." he whispered, then kissed her eyes._

* * *

"Knight-Captain Cullen! Quick! " A hard knock on the door pulled him out of his daydreaming _._

He jumped out of his bed and found that he'd have difficulty putting on his armor as he was obviously aroused. "Maker..." he cursed himself, and said a small prayer. He put it on somehow and got to the Hall. Templar guards were rushing, pushing and shoving to the exit.

Cullen spotted Knight Commander Meredith.

"Knight Commander!" He ran next to her. "What's happening?"

"The Qunari are assaulting the city – and fast. The Arishok has planned this for who knows how long. We're at war, Cullen," she said and rushed to the Gallows Courtyard to give orders.

* * *

"What in the Maker's name is happening here?" Circe asked, stupefied, as they got off the boat on Kirkwall Docks. The sight they encountered was most unusual, even for Kirkwall. There was chaos. People were running, screaming.

"Come on," Circe said and they headed to Lowtown. The second they stepped in there, they met a group of enraged Qunari.

"Ooh now, that's a nasty one... Attack!" Circe cried out.

They eliminated a Sten first, then they focused on the rest - a few Karashok and Karasten. It went smoothly, especially because someone else had joined them.

"Stroud..." Circe said, a bit breathless after all the fighting.

"Commander?" He bowed. "What are you doing in this city?"

"We're here on official business. What happened here?"

"The Qunari are laying siege on Kirkwall. This attack was... most unexpected." Stroud sighed.

"But… I cannot believe that Qunari would dare such attack." she said.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, Commander. But I fear pressing matters take us elsewhere. The mission we're on can't be delayed."

Circe frowned, and then nodded. "I understand."

"Maker watch over you, Commander."

"Maker watch over us all." she said and watched after Stroud and the two Wardens that followed him.

* * *

Cullen was fighting his way through Kirkwall Higtown. He had two Templar recruits with him – Keran and Carver. On Hightown Market they fought a dozen Karashok. But Cullen failed to spot a Saarebas until it was too late. The Saarebas cast a Lightning orb spell and blasted them all.

Cullen was lying down, semiconscious, on cold concrete, but it seemed to him that a little figure was running toward him, screaming his name. She...

Circe...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn (I love you!), Eynla and oaktavor~


	5. Chapter 5

As Circe, Nathaniel, and Samuel stepped into Hightown Market, they spotted three Templars fighting with Karashoks. She recognized one of the Templars. But all of a sudden there was a huge blast that threw the three Templars away, on the ground. She saw the Saarebas as he was planning another attack.  
She cast Mana clash, Winter grasp, and Crushing prison on him as fast as she could and Nate and Samuel did the rest while she ran towards Cullen, screaming his name.  
She examined his injuries and caressed his face. It was him. A few more wrinkles added by years, dark circles under the eyes, his hair a bit longer, but it was him.  
He was coming round. That little figure above him. Could it be...? No... Maker... It is her.  
Suddenly anger took over him and he got up, stumbling.  
"This... Is it even possible?"  
"Cullen..." she said, taking one tiny step toward him.  
He drew a sword on her. "Stand back!"  
She gave a sign to Nathaniel and Samuel to take no action.  
He looked at her with a furious glare. She felt her eyes watering and opened her mouth to say something, but he just held a sword even closer to her neck .  
Maker... it is her. She stood in front of him in silver and cobalt blue Grey Warden Robes. Her elbow-length bright hair formed a misty halo around her dark face perfectly. Her eyes... Maker, her piercing eyes cut right through him. They haunted him for so long. She was here! She had changed, but she was still so beautiful. Then his gaze wandered and he spotted that she was wearing the medallion he gave her years ago. In that moment he wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go. But, no... She was a mage... and worse – she had betrayed him.  
He withdrew his sword and swallowed heavily.  
"Thank you for your assistance, mage."  
He turned around and left to check up on the other two Templars.  
She rushed after him, but felt a hand on her shoulder. Nathaniel tried to stop her. She turned to him, frowning, shrugged his hand off and walked rapidly after Cullen.

* * *

  
_Her group had just finished training in fire spells. Circe headed to the library. She loved being there, alone with her favorite books._  
 _She spotted one new book on the upper shelf and reached for it. It was_ Thedas: Myths and Legends _, by Brother Ferdinand Genitivi. She started watching the wonderful drawings in it and forgot to watch her way, so she bumped into someone and dropped her book._  
 _"Oh... I'm... I'm terribly sorry..." Cullen said reaching for her book. He dropped something as well - a letter._  
 _"It's all right." Circe chuckled, trying to cover up awkwardness. She reached out for his letter. There was a name in simple handwriting, for whom this letter was._  
 _"_ Ser Cullen Moffatt _," Circe read it out loud."Um... I thought it's just...Ser Cullen." she smiled._  
 _"N-No" he said, while he gave her book back. "Well, yes. It's my name. M-my last name is Mof-"_  
 _And then she looked at him. Straight into his eyes. Her eyes- bright green, almost golden- yellowish, with a special glow. And something turned him inside out – powerful and intense, beautiful and messy. His breath whooshed out of his body. The rest of the world seemed to vanish._  
 _"You have the prettiest eyes," he whispered mesmerized._  
 _She blushed and looked away."Thank you."_  
 _"M...Maker, I'm sorry" he picked himself up, took his letter from her and ran away._

* * *

 

  
  
Cullen made sure that Keran and Carver were all right. He saw Circe and the other two Wardens with her behind them. He felt the same hollowness inside his heart, like years ago.  
"Cullen!" she called him.  
"Why are you here?" he snapped at her. She frowned. They walked hurriedly further into Hightown.  
"I came here for- oh..."  
They all gasped as they stepped in Kirkwall Square. The sight they encountered was horrifying. There were mages' bodies everywhere. The Templars were examining them. Cullen rushed to Meredith and Circe rushed to help a Senior elf mage.  
"Many thanks, my friend." The Senior mage said. "Who are you, if I may ask?"  
Circe felt that someone stood behind her. She turned around and saw this woman in heavy armor, with blonde hair, cold blue eyes and some weird circlet on her head, examining her from head to toe.  
"I know who you are, " she said cynically, and Circe crooked her eyebrow.  
"You are the Commander of the Grey -- the Hero of Ferelden ."  
"And... you are?" Circe stepped back.  
"Knight-Commander Meredith." She responded officially. "I don't know what you are doing in my city, but since you're here – you could be of use."  
"Oh, I'm always happy to help in a life-threatening crisis." Circe said cheerfully. Nathaniel and Samuel chuckled, because they knew she was clearly slighting her. Meredith looked at her with a sullen face.  
"Commander..." the Senior mage interrupted them.  
"First Enchanter. You survived. "  
"Your relief overwhelms me, Knight-Commander. The others-"  
"There's no time for talk. The Qunari are taking people to the Keep. Those creatures will pay for this outrage!"  
"I'm aware of that. Serah Hawke and his companions already went to the Viscount's Keep. We distracted the Qunari for them as much as we could. The others... gone. I told them to run..." he looked around, shook his head and sighed.  
"Hawke?" She jumped a bit at the mention of that name and looked at one Templar. "Your brother?" 

"It figures we'd find him in the middle of this." Templar Carver muttered. Meredith looked askance at him, then looked at Circe, then at the First Enchanter.

"Let's go," she said, and headed to the Keep. The rest of the Templars followed her, and Circe gave sign to Nathaniel and Samuel to follow them as well.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	6. Chapter 6

Their path to Viscount's Keep was clear, since Hawke and his companions had killed every Qunari on their way. From the Main Hall of the Keep, they heard something that was clearly the sound of men struggling and scuffling in fight. Meredith stormed into the Main Hall, followed by First Enchanter, the rest of the Templars, and Circe and her companions. Meredith was confused - a lot of scared citizens, the Viscount’s head at the bottom of the stairs, the Arishok, dead on the floor, and Gabriel Hawke with some bloodstains on his face. Meredith was clearly troubled.

"Is it over?" she asked.

"It's over". Hawke answered, a bit out of breath.

"The city has been saved!" one citizen yelled, and the others cheered.

"Well done," Meredith said putting the sword back into the sheath and approaching to Hawke.

"It appears Kirkwall has a new Champion. I'll overlook your own use of magic, for the moment." She said, and then turned to Circe. "If you want to talk, Grey Warden, you can meet me in the Gallows in the morning," she said and left.

Circe looked after Cullen, who followed Meredith. The other Templar, Carver, mumbled something and left with the rest of the Templars.

"Hawke!" A gorgeous curvy woman -wearing nothing but some kind of tunic- yelled and rushed to this man and kissed him passionately. "I can't believe you did that, you son of a bitch!"

Circe recognized her old friend. "Isabela," she said, smirking.

"Who...?" She blinked few times and then her eyes got wider with wonder. "My, my... the Hero of Ferelden herself." She smiled and they hugged. "So what are you doing in this damn place?" She asked, but then the man, Hawke, cleared his throat and they both paid attention to him. "Oh!" Isabela said cheerfully. "Pard'n my manners. Miss Warden, this is Hawke, my..." She noticed a questionable look in his eyes "...friend. And these..." She showed on a warrior woman and a strange elf "...are Aveline and Fenris. Our friends."

"Commander," said Aveline, and gave a little bow. "I'm honored to meet you."

"Thank you. It's always nice to meet new friends."

"Love," Isabela interrupted them and talked to Hawke, "you really need to let Anders check those injuries."

Circe jumped a bit. "Anders?"

"Ah, yes. He's a long-lost Grey Warden. He's a mage, just like you, and Hawke." she spotted Samuel. "And this sweet cheeks over there." she said and winked to him. Poor Samuel blushed.

"Do you know Anders?" Hawke asked, a bit concerned. Circe nodded.

"Can you take us to him?" Nathaniel jumped in.

Hawke frowned and looked at Isabela. "I suppose," he said suspiciously. "Don't worry. He's a good friend of mine," Circe said. Hawke nodded and they headed to the exit of Viscount's Keep, passing through a crowd of grateful citizens.

* * *

  He took them to Darktown.

"Here... This is his clinic."

"Clinic?" Samuel asked, confused.

"I'll enter alone," Circe brushed off her companions and entered a weathered building, mostly made of wood, which looked like it was going to collapse at any moment. She saw Anders talking to some beardless chatty dwarf and walked over to them.

"Does this stuff have side-effects?" the dwarf asked while Anders gave him some potion.

"Well, your tits might grow hair, but... I see that won't be a problem for you." Circe said judging by his appearance.

They both looked at her and the dwarf murmured something that sounded like, "Holy shit, Blondie."

Anders stared at her, wordless. He had changed. A lot. There was a shadow over his face, some inquietude. He looked at least ten years older.

"Anders... It really **is** you," Circe whispered.

He pulled himself together. "Commander." He said seriously, "Fancy meeting you here."

"Andraste's dimpled butt-cheeks! The Hero of Ferelden!" the dwarf cried out excitedly, trying to break the suddenly gloomy atmosphere. Circe couldn't help but to chuckle and she approached to Anders. The dwarf excused himself smiling and left.

"I missed you, old friend." Circe hugged Anders. He was stunned. He didn't expect that. Anger, cursing, yelling, accusations; but not this kindness. He was shocked, but hugged her back slowly.

"Now... tell me. Why the sudden departure?" He took a few steps back and sighed.

"I had to leave. I didn't sleep at all during that last night at the Keep. So, in the silence of the morning, as the sun poured in, I realized something - I had almost ran out of time and energy to mull over every passing thought and to turn it into something worth sharing. I had to go away. I had to make a change. I know this sounds odd to you, I get it. But I need you to trust me. "

"Anders? What have you done?" She frowned.

"Whatever had to be done. Please, Circe... Just trust me." She sighed. "Come on. Let's go to the Hanged Man and catch up on lost time. "

"A 'Hanged man'?" she crooked her eyebrows. "Don't worry. It's one of the best taverns around here," he assured her as they made their way towards the exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL HUUUUUUUUUUUGE THANKS to my beta- Graymalkyn (I love you!)~


	7. Chapter 7

After a wild night at the Hanged man, with lots of ale, wicked grace, and diamondback, Circe had trouble getting up in the morning. But she’d enjoyed being in the company of such colorful characters, and she’d been more than happy when Anders had told her he'd go back with them. He promised her he'd meet them on the Docks.  
But her real task was still ahead of her, so she went to the Gallows as soon as she’d recuperated.  
A Guardian Templar greeted her at the Templar Hall and showed her the way to Knight-Commander Meredith's office.  
One knock away from turning it all around, literally. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
"Yes?" she heard.  
Circe entered. The office was cold. Grey concrete walls, two wooden shelves full of books and documents on the right, together with one poor-looking plant. A tiny bench on the left and a window with grid. In the middle of the office there was a big desk made of marble, with ornaments that represented the Kirkwall crest. There was a huge Templar insignia above the desk. Cold, blue eyes greeted her.  
"Ah, the Grey Warden," Meredith said.  
"Commander of the Grey... If you please. "  
"Commander." She nodded and offered her a seat. "Please."  
"No need." Circe said hastily, waving her hand. "I'm here on business, so I'll get straight to the point." She swallowed, perhaps summoning her courage; then continued, "I came here to pick up my... recruit."  
Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Your recruit? A Templar?"  
There it was – now or never. "Yes. As you may know, over the past 3 years Ferelden has been rebuilding itself and the Grey Wardens are slowly replenishing their numbers. There's no imminent Blight, but we need the very best among us. Therefore, I invoke the Right of Conscription to recruit Cullen Moffatt."  
"You mean _Knight-Captain_ Cullen? My Captain?!" Meredith frowned.  
"Yes. I know he's endured more than some – after all, **I** was the one that saved the Circle. We need him in our Order – as a skilled warrior and as someone who can train the new Warden warriors to deal with the Emissaries," Circe said calmly.  
"This is absurd." Meredith got up from her chair. "I will **not** allow it!" She hit her palm on the desk surface.  
Circe took a step further. "If you're going to make a problem out of this, I can get the King's signature personally. I already have his permission to do this."  
"Yes...It is widely known how _**personal**_   your relationship with the King of Ferelden is," she said derisively.  
"Is that so? Then it should also be widely known that I am not to be trifled with." Circe held her head up higher, challenging her.  
Meredith widened her eyes, not believing Circe's impertinence "Don't you threaten me-"  
"I only ask politely once," Circe interrupted her. Meredith's eyes shot daggers through Circe, but she stood tall.  
There was a long pause before Meredith spoke at last. "So be it," she hissed. "You'll have your precious recruit."  
"Good," Circe smirked victoriously. "Tell him to meet the rest of us at Kirkwall Docks in an hour."  
She left the Templar Hall and headed to join Nathaniel and Samuel.  
And then she saw Hawke in the Gallows.  
"Commander," Hawke greeted her. "I assumed you were here. I'm afraid I have some bad news."  
Circe frowned. "All right. Go ahead."  
"Anders... He's gone. "  
"Gone? But-"  
"We’ve been looking for him all over. There's nothing left in his Clinic. All his documents, books, Manifestos – gone."  
Circe was still frowning, but then she smiled and sighed. "So… He did it again." She thanked Hawke for telling her this and moved on.

* * *

  
  
_She was looking for new books in the Inner library section of the Apprentice quarters. Cullen knew she was there and went to see her. And there she was. So beautiful. So perfect. Every time he looked at her, he felt the need and desire to protect her. Her! A mage! Maker help him- was he losing his mind? But , could he? Could he approach her... and talk to her?_  
 _He took a few steps towards her. "Circe... right?" How stupid . Of course he knew her name._  
 _She heard him behind her and turned around. That young, tall, blushing Templar._  
 _"You know my name... Cullen Moffatt." she said grinning.._  
 _"P...Please... just...Cullen." he stuttered. Why...? Why couldn't he even talk normally with her?_  
 _"All right. Just Cullen." she approached him smiling._  
 _"I...I wanted to apologize for that day, you know ...that day...I shouldn't have said...what I said... I'm... - did you cut your hair? "_  
 _"Yes," she blushed. "You're the only one that noticed it."_  
 _"Well, I watched you. I mean, I didn't watch you... M-Maker..."_  
 _"I know," she said and looked into his eyes. He took yet another step towards her._  
 _Silence. Just the sounds of their breathing. It seemed like time had stopped. She looked behind him and noticed there was no one around and got closer to him. He loved her eyes. She enchanted him completely._  
 _Circe caressed his face. She got on the tip of her toes and there was only a few inches between their faces. He backed away a bit. "I've never kissed a girl before," he whispered._  
 _"I've never kissed a boy before," she answered whispering, too. She tilted her head and gently pressed her lips against his._

* * *

  
Circe informed Nathaniel and Samuel about what had happened with Anders. Nathaniel just muttered something like a curse to himself.  
They finally boarded on the cog and waited for their " _package_ " -Nate's words- for little over an hour.  
"He's not going to come," Nate said to Circe.  
"If he doesn't show up in 5 minutes, I'm going to personally drag him here on a leash," she answered.  
Just then they saw a man approaching, in simple tunic and breeches, carrying a small chest with his belongings. It was him. Circe's huff from the moments before turned into ruth. Seeing Cullen like this...  
She shook her head and sighed. Nate noticed she was troubled.  
"Circe?"  
"I just did something cruel and distasteful. And wrong. For my own selfishness. And... Considering the overwhelming negative consequences of undergoing the joining... "  
"Stop that! Stop that right now. No regrets! Over the years you took chances, you risked losing it all, you acted before thinking – you saved lives. We won't live for long, you know that. Grey Wardens do not grow to old age. You meant to do this. Never feel sorry for it."  
Circe gave him a weak smile.  
"Now..." Nate said smiling. "Let's greet our newest recruit."  
She nodded. Cullen was just boarding.  
He looked at Nathaniel, them Circe. "Commander..." He greeted her and took a little bow.  
"Cullen," she greeted him calmly. "Good to have you on board."  
"Thank you."  
"Let me show you your cabin" Nathaniel offered. Cullen nodded and went with him.  
Circe was looking after them. _He's here._ Her heart was pounding fiercely within her chest. _He may die... I'm aware of that... But Maker – he's here..._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn, Eynla and oaktavor~


	8. Chapter 8

Circe was standing by the small window in her cabin. Nathaniel and Samuel were just informing her about Cullen's condition.  
"It's been three days. He’s barely left his cabin. You knew this would happen. "  
"Don't you question my decisions, Nathaniel. I know why I did this. I know he'll endure!" she said over her shoulder.  
"He's too weak. A Templar? Three days without lyrium?!" Nathaniel kept pushing.  
"He is not a Templar anymore! He will be a Grey Warden soon." she said calmly.  
"If he survi-"  
"Enough!" She interrupted Nathaniel. "We almost reach Amaranthine. We'll be there in an hour. He'll be fine."  
Nathaniel just shook his head. "Circe, he's not well."  
"Samuel." She turned around and looked at him. "Could you make some potion? A mix – a bit of lyrium and a bit of some sleeping substance?"  
"I'll do it right away, Commander. Shouldn't take longer than 15 minutes."  
"Good. Bring it to me. I'll go to check up on him then." 

* * *

  
As she approached to Cullen's cabin, she could hear him throwing things around the cabin. Immediately she rushed in, without knocking. Shattered glass from two lamps, a stripped bed... and him, holding his head with both hands and quietly talking, incoherently. His face was contorted with pain. He was breathing hard, soaked in sweat. He fell on his knees when he spotted her.  
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I can't... I just can't..." He started sobbing.  
She ran up to him and knelt before him.  
"Cullen, listen to me... Shhh... Everything is going to be all right. Listen to me. Here...here, darling, drink this." She offered him a vial and he grabbed it and drank it at once. She reached out one hand to touch his face and immediately he backed off, dropping the empty vial on the floor, but she didn't withdraw her hand. She caressed his face gently, like she had on their first night. He leaned in and his nose slowly trailed across Circe's cheek before rubbing the tip against Circe's own nose.  
A current of need and care flowed between them. He brushed her lips very subtly and softly. He inhaled the smell of her and closed his eyes.  
She gasped... A bit out of this renewed feeling, a bit out of fear...  
She pulled away for a moment to look into his eyes. He opened them slowly. She could see his personality change in the blink of an eye. His eyes were like flaming torches. He started breathing hard and loud again, his face disfigured by hatred, by rage.  
He grabbed her by her wrist and picked her up while he was getting up.  
"You... You **_dare_**! You damned mage!"  
"Cullen!" she gasped.  
"Get out!" He dragged her to the door. "Get out, you **_filthy_**... **_King's_ _whore_**!" he opened the door and pushed her out so hard she almost fell on the floor.  
He slammed the door behind her. She turned around and placed her hands on the door; shocked, hurt, mad...  
She put one hand over her mouth to suppress the sobs. No, she would not let this break her. She rushed to find Nathaniel.

* * *

  
The second they got to Amaranthine, Circe ordered Nathaniel and Samuel to find a carriage and take care of Cullen.  
She decided to ride ahead of them –alone– to prepare the Joining the second they got there.  
She rode so swiftly that it seemed as if her horse's feet scarcely touched the ground to get to the Keep as soon as possible. A stable boy ran to her to take her horse as she rushed into the Keep's yard.  
"Velanna!" she called her while she got off her horse.  
Velanna ran off the Throne room, saw her and took a little bow. "Commander... where-?"  
"No time to explain. We got a new recruit coming and we need to process him through the Joining immediately."  
"We also got one plunderer from-  
"Good. Process him, too."  
"But, Commander. He's not ready-  
"NOW, Velanna!" she yelled at her. Velanna had never seen Circe like this. She was not mad. She was worried... and scared. But Velanna didn't say anything; she just nodded.  
"Come with me." Circe said, a bit calmer. They headed to the second floor of the Vigil's Keep where the Senior Wardens' offices and bedrooms were.  
Circe opened one room which was three doors away from hers.  
"Here," she said. "This will be his room." Circe looked at Velanna and noticed a quizzical look on her face. "Cullen's." Circe answered. "Give orders to clean it up a little. And then prepare everything for the Joining. Nathaniel and Samuel will be here soon with our newest recruit."  
"Understood, Commander." she left.  
Circe stood a bit more on the door of that empty room. The drapes were down, so it was dark. It was cold ...and unfriendly. An old bed, an antique wardrobe, a hand-carved mirror on the wall...  
Circe used this moment when she was alone to say a little prayer.

  
 _"Please, Maker. I know I left him. I know he's mad. But I love him and can't imagine this little leftover life without him. I want him back in my life. I know I'm selfish, but please... My love for him is true. I know you hear my prayers. I know you'll let him live"_

  
A small tear rolled from her right eye, but she wiped it off quickly. 

* * *

  
Just after a half hour, a carriage with Nathaniel, Samuel, and Cullen arrived. Circe was waiting for them with her head held high. Nathaniel and Samuel greeted her with a nod. Cullen didn't even look at her. She just turned around and headed to Throne Room. They followed her. Velanna was there with the other recruit, a plunderer called Riston, from a farm in the Coastlands.  
Cullen placed himself beside him. Circe, Nathaniel and Samuel stood on Velanna's right side. Velanna took the Joining chalice.  
"The time has come for us to begin the Joining. I-"  
"Velanna...Wait...I'll lead this Joining." Circe interrupted her. Velanna and Nathaniel exchanged glances, but no one dared to say a word.  
They replaced their positions. Circe took the Joining chalice and continued.  
"I shall speak the words that have been said since the First:  
 _Join us brothers and sisters._  
 _Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant._  
 _Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn._  
 _And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten._  
 _And that one day we shall join you_."  
She offered the chalice to Riston. "From this moment forth, Riston, you are a Grey Warden."  
  
He took it, took a sip from it and smiled. But soon his smile turned into spasm and he started shaking until he fell on the floor and passed away.  
Cullen frowned and whispered:  
  
" _Ashes we were and ashes we become. Maker, give this young man a place at your side. Let us take comfort in the peace he has found in eternity._ "  
  
Circe remained still and offered him a chalice.  
"From this day forward, Cullen, you are a Grey Warden." _Maker, let him live._  
He looked at her straight into her eyes. "I hope I'm going to die just like this poor soul here." he said. He took a deep breath, and drank from the chalice.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my beta- Graymalkyn (love ya )~


	9. Chapter 9

The first night passed . No change. Cullen was deep asleep after the Joining. Circe made sure he was well. She didn't leave his side for a second. Nathaniel and Velanna took over her usual obligations.   
It was already late afternoon when Nathaniel came to visit her.

  
"Circe?" he peaked into the room. She sat on a sofa next to the bed where Cullen still lay unconscious.

  
She looked at Nathaniel. Her eyes were red and cloudy – from lack of sleep or crying, he did not know.

  
"He still hasn’t woken up," she said quietly.

  
"He will. You need to go and take a rest now," he said, walking towards her.

  
"I can't. I need to be here when he wakes up. I just don't understand why... Why hasn't he woken up yet?"

  
"Maybe because of the lack of lyrium. Maybe he was too weak. Or maybe he's simply too stubborn and wants to punish us," Nate tried to cheer her up.

  
Circe chuckled. "Could be." Then she sighed. "It's not easy for him. I remember my Joining. I was frightened, but there was Duncan... and I had Alistair. He has no one."

  
"He has you." Nate knelt beside her.

  
"Yes, but he despises me... and has every right to."

  
"Circe..." Nate took her hand and squeezed it a bit. "He'll be fine. Everything will be all right. You'll see."

  
"All right." she nodded.

  
"I have to take care of some reports, but I'll be back later. Promise me you'll get some rest."

  
"I promise," she reassured him. "And don't worry so much for me. Go and spend some time with Velanna."

  
He gave her a weak smile and left.

  
Circe got up and walked around the room for a bit. She drew the drapes and opened the window to let in fresh air.  
By the window there was a chest with his things. She leaned in and opened it. Clothes, various documents, books, letters with that same simple writing she’d seen before, and a tiny carved wooden box. Circe took it and opened it. She gasped. A wisp of her hair. He’d saved it all these years. Then suddenly, she broke down; the tears were streaming down her face and she couldn't stop them. She closed the box and put it back on its place. She sat on Cullen's bed and looked at him. His soft curly golden hair fell over his cheek. She brushed it off his face.

  
"Wake up, my sweet Templar," she caressed and kissed his forehead. "Come on...I know you're strong..."

* * *

  
_Circe found herself in the Fade. She recognized this place: one of the banks of Lake Calenhad. She spotted one woman by the lake in a simple dress, kneeling and sobbing._   
_The woman lifted her head when Circe approached her. She showed the gentle contours of her face enriched with big dark eyes, and the warm shade of blonde short hair._

  
_"I know you from somewhere..." Circe said frowning._

  
_"Oh, I doubt that, my sweeting." She got up and smiled._

  
_"Why were you crying? Circe asked confused._

  
_"Oh, for you, darling." she smiled. "I'm so sad that you're suffering. And for what? For a man that doesn't want you anymore. "_

  
_"W-what?" Circe backed off._

  
_"Oh, he loves you. But only in his deams." The woman smiled wickedly._

  
_"That is not true." Circe waved her hand._

  
_"It is and you know it. He is a Templar after all."_

  
_"He's not a Templar! He is a Grey Warden now!"_

  
_"If he survives, dear." a woman approached her. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? You want him for yourself, is that not? You're so selfish. It would be such a shame if he dies." woman caressed Circe's face._

  
_"He won't-"_

  
_"Aaah... but he's so weak." A woman inhaled deeply and smiled "It feels so good. And you my dear, so caring. It's simply heartbreaking." a woman said in different voice._

  
_Circe stepped back and took her staff._

  
_"It was so easy to lure you here. To think my entire existence I have sought a mortal mage to possess. And now such a vulnerable pathetic mage fell into my trap."_

  
_"You're... a hunger demon. I remember you... from the Blackmarsh."_

  
_"Yes. And now you shall slake my thirst."_

  
_"You will never control me, fiend." Circe hissed._

  
_"We shall see about that, mage." The woman said, taking its natural Shade form._

  
_Circe cast a spell Prison Crush, but the demon didn't fight back. It just laughed and said, "Go and check on your lover," and it disappeared._

* * *

  
Circe's eyes shot open and she realized that she was in his room. Her head was on Cullen's chest. Good... She was here... with him.

  
"Circe..." she heard Cullen whispering quietly. He tossed in his deep sleep.

  
"I'm here. I'm here..." She caressed his locks.

  
He opened his eyes a little and gave her a tiny smile. She returned his smile and touched his cheek lovingly. But the smile suddenly erased from his face, and just as fast as he’d opened his eyes, he closed them again.

  
"No!" Circe shook him and started sobbing desperately. "Cullen... wake up... wake up... PLEASE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have noticed- I changed Cullen's name. I made my mind that his name will be Cullen and his last name will be Moffatt.  
> Cullen means-handsome lad, and Moffatt means - from the long plain.  
> Soon I'll write that he grew up on the Drakon river plains, so it fits perfectly.

She put her head on his chest and noticed that he was breathing normally. He mumbled something.

  
"He'll be all right... he'll be all right..." she whispered quietly, reassuring herself.

  
Nathaniel came to see her again. When he saw her all tearful, he ran to her.  
"What happened?" he frowned. "Is he..?"

  
"No... no. He's all right."  
"Circe," he frowned and sighed. "Go and get some rest. I'll stay here. "

  
She opened her mouth to protest, but then closed it and just nodded. He took her by the hand and led her to the door.

  
"If he-" she turned around before leaving.  
"I'll let you know that he has woken up as soon as it happens."

  
She smiled and left.

* * *

  
It was almost evening when Circe got up. She jumped out of her bed. How long had she been sleeping? She washed her face and looked at herself in a mirror. She barely recognized herself. Dark circles under the eyes, which were still a bit red... Maker's breath, she had never looked this bad, not even during the Blight. She sighed and combed her hair into a casual updo.   
Circe got out of her room and found herself in the hallway. She ran into one of the younger Wardens and sent him to fetch Nathaniel.

  
She went to her office. Nathaniel soon got in there after her.

  
"Good news," he said smiling. "Cullen woke up and we’ve already given him a Grey Warden armor and a weapon of choice."

  
"How is he?"

  
"Good. He's feeling good."

  
Circe crooked one eyebrow. "Nathaniel... we both know you're not a good liar."

  
He lowered his head. "Fine... you can imagine how he feels. He's not happy at all. He yelled, refused to obey rules, he is grumpy... he even... uh..."

  
"Even what?" Circe asked calmly while taking a seat.

  
"It's going to be all right," Nathaniel reassured her.

  
"Fine. I want to see him then."

  
"He's right outside, but I don't think tha-"

  
"Nathaniel."

  
He opened the door and let Cullen in. "Remember what we talked about." Nathaniel hissed under his breath to Cullen and then left.

  
Cullen focused his attention to Circe. "Commander?"

  
"Cullen." She shifted in her seat, casting a glance at him. He looked dashing in a plate of the Warden-Ensign armour. Some of his golden locks fell on his forehead. The dark circles under his eyes were even more intense. He was clearly tired. Circe cleared her throat. "Glad you've fully recovered. Feeling well?"

  
"Y-Yes, I...had some strange dreams, but I am well now." He scuffed a bit.

  
"Good. Your training starts tomorrow morning. Try to get some more rest. You're free to go now."

  
He headed to the door, but then stopped. "Uh... Commander. I wanted to say something. I know that I wasn't acting very gentlemanly towards you... and for that, I apologize."

  
A small smile formed on Circe's face. "Apology accepted."

  
He nodded and opened the door. "Oh... and Circe... your hair looks good that way." he said and closed the door behind him.

  
Good thing he hadn't seen Circe blushing at his comment.

* * *

  
It was early morning. Nathaniel and Velanna had already lined up the younger Wardens and paired them for training. Cullen was a bit late. He apologized when he finally showed up. Nathaniel introduced Velanna to Cullen. She was not so thrilled.

  
"So... ready for some training?" Nathaniel asked. They saw Samuel approaching them.

  
_Another mage. Maker, they are everywhere. And now... She ... his superior._

  
_"Am I suppose to obey her? Her? A mage?" he’d asked Nathaniel._   
_"Yes. You must obey without question. She is not just a mage. She is the Warden-Commander of Ferelden. "_   
_"That's preposterous," he’d scoffed._   
_"Cullen! I'm warning you. You've been acting like a bastard to her since we encountered you in Kirkwall. Now, maybe she still tolerates that, but I won't. If she asks to see you - you will apologize. Is that clear?" Nathaniel had scolded him._   
_"Agreed," he’d said with sigh._

  
_But it was hard to forget what he'd been told all his life; 'Mages cannot be treated like people. They are weapons. They have the power to light a city on fire in a fit of pique.'_

  
"Cullen?" Nathaniel asked again.

  
"With a mage? Always." Cullen said boldly.

  
Nathaniel shook his head and grumbled showing him to enter the arena. Samuel greeted them all.   
Cullen laughed when he got in. "So... this little boy is going to be my opponent?" He said, pointing to Samuel.

  
Nathaniel smirked and looked at Velanna. "My lady?"

  
"With pleasure," she hissed and entered the arena.

  
Cullen frowned. "Is this a trick?"

  
"I'll try not to hurt you... much," she said while taking her staff. "Ready?" He pulled out his sword and nodded.

  
She activated Nature's Vengeance and cast Stonefist at once. Cullen tottered a bit. He ran at her with his sword. She then threw Flameburst, but he purged the area with Cleanse. She smiled. She cast Hand of Winter, but he resisted and surrounded her with Silence. She struggled with it but manage to activate Rock Armor and cast Draining Aura on him.

  
This was too much for him. He was still bit weak, so he stumbled and fell on his knees.   
"That's enough, my lady." Nathaniel said quietly. But she wouldn't stop. "Velanna!" he said bit louder. She stopped.

  
"You..." Cullen said while getting up "Damned... cursed... m-"

  
"Say it! Say 'mage', I dare you!"

  
He just frowned and lowered his head.   
Velanna smirked wickedly and turned around to leave the arena.   
Cullen was angry. He started breathing hard and he got up completely. He struck Velanna with Holy Smite. She fell down on the ground with a whimper.

  
Nathaniel was shocked and mad by this mindless, reckless act, so he stormed towards Cullen and punched him in the face with his right fist, cursing. "You son of a bitch!" The punch was so hard that Cullen fell on his back.

  
Circe got in the Keep’s yard just in time to see this horrifying scene. She ran to them. Nathaniel was next to Velanna, helping her to get up, comforting her, and Cullen was trying to get up, mumbling, "Sweet blood of Andraste..."

  
"What is going on here?!" Circe yelled. They all looked at her. "Have you all lost your mind?!" she turned to Nathaniel, then to Cullen, then Velanna. They lowered their heads and no one said a word.

  
"Velanna...are you hurt?"

  
"No, I'm fine. A bit dizzy, that's all."

  
"Go and have someone check up on you." She nodded and left.

  
"Nathaniel, you may go with her. You and I will talk later." He frowned and left. "Cullen – in my office! Right now!" Standing stiff and angry, she turned on her heel and headed back to the Keep with him following her.

  
When they got there, she opened the door of her office, let him in and slammed the door behind her.

  
"Now listen to me, Cullen," she hissed and approached him. "I know it's not easy for you to accept all this.  I understand how hard it must be. But, some rules must be respected. You are not a Templar here. We are all the same. These people are your brothers and sisters. You cannot act like-"

  
_He watched her lips moving and lost himself into that image._   
_He roughly pulled her to him and captured her lips with his. He kissed her fiercely, so intensely she could barely breathe. Within seconds she was kissing him as ardently as he was kissing her._   
_These were the kisses he’d been dreaming of. He wanted this for so long._   
_He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up onto the table, never breaking their kiss. He put his hands on her knees and parted her legs…_

  
"Cullen Moffatt! Did you hear a word I said?" she yelled.

  
"U-Uh...yes, Commander."

  
"Good. Now get out!"

  
He left without a word.

  
Circe approached her desk slowly and sat. She unrolled the new scroll that had arrived earlier that morning. She read it and gasped. It was an invitation to Alistair's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla and also big THANKS to CouslandSpitFire~

**"All ye Kings and Queens**  
 **Knights and Nobles**  
 **It is by decree of the King himself**  
 **that the people of the manor are**  
 **Invited to attend the noble marriage of**  
  
 ** _Lady Elissa Cousland_ And _King Alistair Theirin_**  
  
 **On the tenth day of the current month**  
 **In the Age of Dragon 9:34**  
 **When the clock strikes the second hour**  
 **In the afternoon**  
  
 **The Vows shall be exchanged at**  
 **In the Chantry of Divine Beatrix III**  
 **At Denerim Market District**  
 **In the City of Denerim**  
 **In the State of Ferelden."**  
  
  
Circe must have read this a hundred times. She read it once again, absorbing every word, and left the scroll on the table. She went to her bedroom and looked at herself in the mirror one last time before she joined the others. Just a simple ceremonial breastplate with Grey Warden insignia over a stunning heavy forest green velvet dress teamed up with an exquisite brocade middle panel embroidered in green and gold. The sleeves were semi fitted. The dress was made of lots of flowing panels, which emphasized Circe's flattering silhouette. Not much make up, and her hair would be fashioned in an elegant updo. She preferred wearing her hair like that since Cullen's comment, although she wouldn't admit it, not even to herself.

  
Nathaniel, Velanna, and Cullen were already waiting for her by the carriage at the Keep's yard.  Since that incident two weeks before, things had gotten better. Cullen slowly learnt to accept his new life. He was even a lot nicer to her alone.  
When Circe finally joined them, they all gasped. Nathaniel and Cullen were both in wonderful dark grey Warden armours. Velanna's dress was made from luxurious soft drapey dark-brown velvet. It had a sweet neckline that was trimmed in dark-brown guipure lace. The sleeves were long and draping, and lined in shimmer satin.

  
Nathaniel teased Circe as she approached them. "Trying to overshadow the bride, Commander?"

  
Circe chuckled. "I think Velanna could do that, too," she pointed out.  

  
"Of course. My lady is the prettiest one out there." He looked at her. Velanna nudged him. Circe smiled and Nathaniel opened the carriage door for them.

  
"Are Oghren and Sigrun coming?" she asked.

  
"Yes, we'll meet them there."

  
"Good... good." Velanna entered the carriage.

  
"Are you all right? I mean...with all this-" Cullen whispered.

  
"I'm fine. Just... fine." Circe sighed. He was not convinced, but he didn't protest.

  
She joined Velanna in the carriage. Cullen and Nathaniel entered last and they headed to Denerim. 

* * *

  
Denerim, the bustling capital of the human empire and birth place of Andraste, was more crowded than ever. There hadn’t been so much people even on Alistair's Coronation Day. There were festive banners with the Royal insignia everywhere. The merchants on the Market were selling tons of wedding-themed stuff: leceder hearts with Alistair's and Elissa's initials; cakes with names like "Newlyweds's kisses", "Young love's delights"; perfumes with names like "Queen' s seduction" and "The passion of the first night"; different kinds of cheeses from around Thedas...

  
They finally arrived at the Royal Palace courtyard. Sigrun and Oghren were already waiting for them. The courtyard was crowded , too. Lots of nobility and important people from Orzammar, Orlais, the Free Marches, the bann of the Alienage and a few more elven emissaries. Everybody waited in line to bow and be presented to the King.

  
And then it was their turn. The Master of Ceremonies announced them. "The Warden-Commander and the Senior Grey Wardens of Ferelden!"

  
There he was, standing in gold and silver Royal armor with a red sash, in the Royal Palace foyer. Arl Eamon was standing to his right.

  
They all approached and bowed before him. "Your Majesty," Circe said.

  
"Wardens." Alistair greeted them with a nod of his head.

  
As they rose, he smiled. "Circe... I... You won't mind if I steal her for a few minutes, right?" he looked at Nathaniel.

  
Cullen frowned and stirred in place. Velanna rolled her eyes, while Sigrun giggled, and Oghren winked saying "Gotcha." quietly.

  
"Of course not, Your Majesty." Nathaniel answered quickly.

  
Alistair offered Circe his hand. "Please?"

  
"Uhh... of course." she accepted it and he led her through one of the hallways.

  
Cullen glared in their direction. "Don't make a scene. You'll just embarrass her. Be calm," Nathaniel whispered to him. Cullen sighed deeply.

  
After a few steps and short small talk, Alistair and Circe stopped and he turned to her.

  
"You look... that dress; your hair... I never saw you wearing you hair like that. I ... I’ve missed you so much."  
Circe lowered her head and sighed.

  
"I know. I just... So-"

  
"I think I should go back to my fellow Wardens and you to your guests," she interrupted him.

  
"I'm sorry. I'm just...I just wanted to make sure that you're all right. I guess what I'm trying to say is... If I ever hurt you or offended you, I apologize."

  
"Alistair, I... I'm happy for you. I'm happy you found the one."

  
"I love her," he said, out of the blue. Circe's mouth opened a bit in shock. She was about to say something, but nothing came to her mind.

  
She was surprised when he suddenly hugged her, but she hugged him back.

  
"I won't forget you. Ever." he said and smiled melancholically.

  
"We'll see each other... from time to time." She gave back a weak smile.

  
He nodded. "Now...let's go back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> Licitar  
> Word Licitar originates from the German word "Lebzelter", but derives from Latin word "Libum", which means sacrificial cookie. Licitar craft is old about 4000 years, and the biggest workshops for producing these biscuits were in Egipt. Romans brought it to Europe, but the greatest growth of this craft was in the ages of Austro-Hungarian Monarchy. A large number of licitar makers, "medokolachar", were in this business, which requests a lot of artistry, time and devotion. A licitar is an intricately decorated edible gift found in Croatia and Serbia. Made of honey dough, it is often confused with gingerbread.
> 
> Licitar Heart- The most popular licitar biscuite is in the shape of heart. This heart besides colorfull decoration has the small mirror on it, representing the presence of the receiver in the Licitar-giver's heart. These kind of hearts guys used to give to their girlfriends as a sign of their deep love and as our grandmothers and grandfathers remember as a sing of engagement, just like the ring means today.  
> Licitars are used for decoration, sold as souvenirs, and given as gifts on special occasions like weddings, Valentine's Day, and other holidays.


	12. Chapter 12

The bride was approaching and they all focused their attention to her. Her brother, Lord Fergus Cousland, walked her down the aisle. She was indeed beautiful. Early twenties, long wavy chestnut hair, heart shaped face, beautiful dark eyes, porcelain skin tone. She had a long dark red and gold richly embroidered taffeta gown with bouffant skirt, contrasting diamond pin-tuck taffeta front skirt inset and standing collar. She really looked like a queen.

  
Circe felt the prick of tears behind her eyelids. The images came to her mind faster and faster: the first time she had seen him in Ostagar, his laugh, his touch, his whispers, seeing him in fight, the rose, their first kiss, their first night, the Landsmeet, killing the Archdemon...

  
She remembered then the words that Alistair had once spoken to her:

  
 _"Here's the thing: being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever. You're the first woman I've ever spent the night with, and if I have my way you'll be the last."_

  
_"I will need to find a wife. One who could bear a child, who will live to raise it. I don't relish it, but...I will have duty as a King. I love you, more than I ever thought possible, but..I have to face what this means."_

  
_"I can't lie to you. I can’t run away from it anymore. I’ll marry her."_

  
Circe felt someone squeezing her shoulder. She turned her head and saw it was Nathaniel. She gave him a weak smile and he returned it. She looked at Cullen, too. He noticed her teary-eyes and, for a moment, she thought he was about to say something... but he didn't.

  
The ceremony had begun. The Revered Mother blessed this union and then asked the couple to hold hands, placing the hand-fasting ribbons around the hands and wrists to "join" the couple.

  
"With this cord, I bind Lady Elissa Cousland and King Alistair Theirin to the vows they make to each other," she said and smiled. "We shall proceed to the vows now... Lady Cousland?"  
She lowered her head and blushed a bit, then looked Alistair straight into his eyes.  
  
"By the power that Maker brought from heaven, mayst thou love me.  
As the sun follows its course, mayst thou follow me.  
As light to the eye, as bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart,  
May thy presence be with me,  
Oh one that I love, `til death comes to part us asunder. "  
  
It was Alistair's turn to say his vow. He smiled.  
  
“I pledge my love to you, and everything that I own.  
I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care  
I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine  
I shall not slander you, nor you me  
I shall honor you above all others  
Our love is never-ending, and we will remain, forevermore, equals in our marriage.  
This is my wedding vow to you.”  
  
 _"_ You swore by peace and love to stand,  
Heart to heart and hand to hand.  
Mark, O Spirit, and hear us now,  
Confirming this your Sacred Vow.  
May your marriage be blessed with patience and dedication, forgiveness and respect, love and understanding." the Revered Mother said and took off their binding ribbon. They exchanged the rings and Alistair kissed his bride softly, gently on the lips.  
"I present you Their Majesties King Alistair Theirin and Queen-consort Elissa Theirin!" said the Revered Mother.  
A huge applause filled the Chantry. They grinned and waved at their people. 

* * *

  
  
The wedding festivity was beautiful. It was held in one of the beautifully manicured gardens of the Royal Palace. Everything was in red and gold: the flowers, the ornament, even their 8-tier wedding cake. The food looked and, surprisingly was, delicious. There were lots of all sorts of wine and ales and cakes. And a crowd. And so much gossiping.

  
Circe heard some of the gossip involving her. She noticed glares and glances. She couldn't take it. She had a few glasses of wine. Then she heard **his** laugh. Circe looked it that direction and saw him with his new wife. They were inseparable. And he looked so happy.

  
"Enjoying yourself?" Nathaniel startled her from her thoughts.

  
"Um...certainly. You?"

  
"Same. I met a few old acquaintances."

  
"Yes, I noticed you spoke with Lord Cousland. Is everything all right?"

  
"Well...you could say that." he frowned a bit.

  
"Good." she said in a bit of a cold voice.

  
"Cullen is a bit...lost." They both glanced at him. He stood in one corner, leaning on the wall, with his arms crossed. "And lonely."

  
"Mh-hm," she mumbled while she sipped another glass of wine.

  
"Although Sigrun did make a move on him."

  
Circe almost spat out her drink. "What?!"

  
"I'm just teasing you," he laughed. "You should have seen your face."

  
"Oh, shush! And I have been wondering how you are getting along. Any progress?"

  
"Who’s 'we'? Oh, you mean...?"  
Circe raised an eyebrow.  
Nathaniel cleared his throat. "Well... he's not so bad, I suppose. A bit confused, still adapting. We had a few chats after dinner, back in the barracks. Velanna still doesn't like him, though." Circe smiled. "And even with all his hatred for mages – he's clearly crazy about you."

  
She looked at him with a mix of disbelief and hope, and blushed. "Umm...w-well..." she started stuttering.

  
Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "Maker, you're perfect for each other." Circe giggled and gently hit him on the shoulder. She took another glass of wine.

  
Nathaniel frowned. "How many glasses of wine did you have?"

  
"Apparently not enough." she said.

  
The sound of glass shattering was heard not far from them, and a famous uncontrollable laughter.  
"And then...I said to that little ‘pike-twirler’..." Oghren burst out laughing again.

  
"Ugh! Please go and stop him. I'll go get the others and we're leaving."

  
"Agreed." Nate nodded.  

  
"What? You have problems with my ears?! Do you think they're clownish?" they heard from the other part of the garden.

  
"Uh-oh..." Nate mumbled.

  
 _"_ We’d better hurry." Circe said. "Wait..." She took another glass of wine and drank it in one gulp. "Okay, let's go." they went separate ways to gather their companions.

* * *

  
When they arrived in the tavern, Circe was already feeling a little dizzy, so Velanna escorted her to her room. Cullen and Nathaniel sat at one table to share a little nightcap.

  
"I-I wouldn't have made a scene today. But thank you." Cullen said suddenly. "It’s just… he acts like he owns her." he frowned.

  
"It was a hard day for her. She didn't need more drama." Nathaniel retorted.  
"But-"

  
"Look, I'm not feeling comfortable talking about this with you. All you need to know..." Nathaniel stopped and sighed. "Just mind that she's been hurt so much in the past."

  
They saw Velanna approaching. She was clearly mad.  
"She kicked me out! She said, ' _I'm quite capable of taking my own breastplate, thank you very much!_ '" For this last part Velanna tried to impersonate Circe, so both Nathaniel and Cullen chuckled.

  
"I think I should check if she's alright. And then I'll go to sleep, too." Cullen said as he got up.  
"Good night to you both."

  
"Good night, Cullen." Nathaniel answered. "And keep in mind what I told you." Cullen nodded and left.

* * *

  
Cullen knocked on her door. There was no answer, so he opened it slowly. He found Circe struggling with her breastplate.

  
"Maker's breath, Circe," he rushed to her and helped her with it. She let her breastplate fall with a clank to the ground.

  
"Awww, my knight in shining armor. Oh, wait... you are my knight in shining armor." Circe grinned. "And I know why you're here," she whispered and winked.

  
"I'm just here to make sure you're feeling well."

  
"Oh, come on, Cullen. Don't play coy with me." She hung her hands around his neck.

  
"W-what?"

  
"Kiss me. I know you want to. "

  
She pulled him down to her. Her eyes were hazy, unfocused. He was dangerously close to her lips, so close that her warm breath tickled his upper lip. Cullen closed his eyes. He needed every ounce of strength to resist the temptation to taste the sweetness of her lips. He inhaled deeply as he opened his eyes.  
"You're drunk." he stated.

  
She giggled out loud and took a step back. Or at least tried to. She stumbled over her own feet and would have fallen on the floor if Cullen hadn’t grabbed her firmly.

  
"That's it." He frowned and picked her up and took her to her bed. He placed her gently on it.

  
"I need you, Cullen," she whispered.

  
He chuckled. "You’re only in need of comfort and sleep right now."  
Circe tsked.  
"I'm just going to take off your boots, OK?" Cullen smiled.

  
"Yeah, yeah..." she waved her hand indifferently.

  
He shook his head and sat at the bottom of her bed. He unlaced one boot and removed it slowly. He did the same with the other one.  
"There. Now-"

  
Cullen turned to her and noticed she had already fallen asleep. He undid her updo, letting her long, light blond hair fall all over the pillow and caressed her face gently. He took a blanket and tucked her in.  
He leaned forward, just enough, and pressed his lips to her forehead in a light kiss."Good night, my dark beauty," Cullen whispered and went to his room.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	13. Cullen

He came back to his room. He could have kissed her... he ... no, he couldn't... he couldn't use her. 

* * *

  
_'...do not grieve, my dear son. Your father went honourably..." The words his mother had written were ringing in his head. He felt his eyes watering and rushed through the hallways of the Circle. He was careless and he bumped into someone. A girl._

  
_"Oh... I'm... I'm terribly sorry..." he said, reaching for the girl's book. He dropped his letter._

  
_"It's all right." She chuckled and reached out for his letter. He knew this girl by sight. A pretty young mage... Barely 16._

  
_"_ Ser Cullen Moffatt _," she read out loud."Um... I thought your name was Cullen."_

  
 _"N-No," he said, as he gave her book back. "Well, yes. It's my name. M-my last name is Mof-"_

  
_And then she looked at him. Straight into his eyes. Her eyes – bright green, almost golden- yellowish, with a special glow. And something turned him inside out – powerful and intense, beautiful and messy. His breath whooshed out of his body. The rest of the world seemed to vanish._

  
_"You have the prettiest eyes," he whispered, mesmerized._

  
_She blushed and looked away."Thank you."_

  
_"M...Maker, I'm sorry" he picked himself up, took his letter from her and ran away._  
 _He couldn't believe himself. He was sad and angry at the same time and he crumpled the letter in his hand. He almost ran into his cell. 'Prettiest eyes?! Stupid! She's a mage!' He shook his head. 'But, her eyes...' He sat on his bed and re-read the crumpled letter and started crying._

* * *

  
Cullen slowly removed his armor as he thought about this. He’d never been the same as from that day. She’d caught his attention instantly. He couldn't get her out of his head. He’d started focusing his attention on her.   
He found out he couldn't stop looking in her eyes like that first time. He loved being around her. Just thinking of her made him smile. Walking through the Circle halls and hearing her voice from the Apprentice's quarters made him smile, too.  
He noticed she loved being alone, reading in the library. Other mages teased her for her unusual skin tone and her bright eyes. Some even pointed fingers at her. She was lonely. He was sad because of that. He felt an enormous need to protect her, to hug her and never let her go.  
There was just one young fellow mage she used to be friends with. Jowan was his name. Cullen had to admit he was bit jealous of him.  
But, in time, she started noticing him, too. They shared glances, although every time she looked at him, he would get nervous and blush. They even exchanged a few words while she would choose the new book or when she was simply passing by.  
Months passed by... then a year...  
She’d found a perfect place to hide from the others – the 'inner' library.  
One day he decided to follow her there. Just to try to talk to her. Just to... say something. 

* * *

  
_And there she was. So beautiful. So perfect. Every time he looked at her, he felt the need and desire to protect her. Her! A mage! Maker help him – was he losing his mind? But… Could he? Could he approach her... and talk to her?_

  
_He took a few steps towards her. "Circe... right?" How stupid. Of course he knew her name._  
 _She heard him behind her and turned around. That young, tall, blushing Templar._

  
_"You know my name... Cullen Moffatt." she said grinning._

  
_"P...Please... just...Cullen." he stuttered. Why...? Why couldn't he even talk normally with her?_

  
_"All right. Just Cullen." She approached him smiling._

  
_"I...I wanted to apologize for the other day...I shouldn't have said...what I said... I'm... - did you cut your hair? "_

  
_"Yes," she blushed. "You're the only one that noticed it."_

  
_"Well, I watched you. I mean, I didn't watch you... M-Maker..."_

  
_"I know," she said and looked into his eyes. He took yet another step towards her._  
 _Silence. Just the sounds of their breathing. It seemed like time had stopped. She looked behind him and noticed there was no one around and got closer to him. He loved her eyes. She enchanted him completely._  
 _Circe caressed his face. She got on the tip of her toes and there were only a few inches between their faces. What was she doing?! What was HE doing? Was that really happening? It's her. Get a grip, Cullen._

  
_He backed away a bit. "I've never kissed a girl before," he whispered._

  
_"I've never kissed a boy before," she answered whispering, too. She tilted her head and gently pressed her lips against his._

* * *

  
It was a moment that changed his life completely. He was kissing her – his first love ever. Yes, he was in love. He had to admit it. He felt helpless and lost in her, and yet at the same time so alive.  
He accepted her for all that she was. This 'inner' library became their secret place. They used to have small talks there, giggle, gossip... and sometimes exchange tenderness. He found out she was from Seheron… or she’d been told that. She’d never wanted to explore that thoroughly. She had no one. No one, but him. He started calling her 'my dark beauty' – she loved it. She called him 'my sweet Templar'. He smiled every time she'd say that.  
Another year passed by. Circe had grown into a real temptress. Things between them weren't so simple, so they fought quite often. He was under great pressure from Knight-Commander Greagoir after receiving his knighthood. And her Harrowing was approaching. She wanted more. He couldn't give her more. They were being watched and it slowly came to their senses that their love was impossible. They stopped talking for a while. It was hard for both of them.  
But he couldn't let her go. He needed her. She was his everything. 

* * *

  
_He wrote a little note and put it in her book while she wasn't watching._  
 _A simple note:_

_'My dark beauty, we need to talk. Please. I miss you...C'_

  
_The next day after classes he saw her. She grinned as she passed beside him and thrust a tiny scrolling into his hand._

  
_"Will I see you tonight?" Cullen whispered._

  
_"I certainly hope so," she whispered back and ran to catch up with her friend._

  
_He unwrapped it. There was a wisp of her bright hair, and a tiny note "Tonight. Apprentice Quarters, 'inner' library."_

  
_He smiled and caressed that wisp of her beautiful hair._  
 _That night he felt tension like never before. He knew something would happen. Would she leave him? Tell him it's over, completely? He couldn't take that. She meant so much to him._

  
_"Cullen... you're here?"_  
 _He just stood at the entrance of the inner library, rubbing his forehead, wearing nothing but his robe._

  
_"I..." he sighed. "You are a mage and I a Templar. It is my duty to oppose you and all you are."_  
 _He walked slowly toward her._

  
_"But I cannot restrain myself from you. I prayed to the Maker so much, but I... I just can't-"_

  
_"Then don't," she reached her palm up to his cheek. He nuzzled her tiny palm and kissed it, then kissed the inner side of wrist. She stared at him, eyes wide open. He stood there, not knowing what to say. Instead, he leaned in and kissed her... just a peck on the lips. He stopped, gave her time to push him away... but she didn't._  
 _He had her then. She was her first, as she was his. He kissed her eyes after their love deed. She was smiling at him. They were both breathless._

  
_"I have my Harrowing tomorrow," she whispered._

  
_"I know...I was chosen to strike you down... if..." he shook his head._

  
_"I won't fail. You know I won't."_

  
_"I know." He caressed her beautiful face. "I have to see you after it's done."_

  
_"I promise that you will..." She kissed him once again. "... My sweet Templar. "_

* * *

  
  
Cullen woke up the next morning from a nightmare, scared and confused. He’d dreamt that he’d lost her and had a gut feeling that something bad would happen that day. But seeing her calm and confident gave him hope.

  
Her Harrowing went smoothly. He was so relieved. She succeeded and she was brilliant. He was so proud. He got up to his usual position at the Second floor, watching over the Senior mages' quarters. He knew she'd come soon, when she recovered. And then he saw her, running towards him. He tried to act calm, in case if someone was watching them.  
They entered a room, just for a brief moment. He had to kiss her. He’d thought he was going to lose her and that thought hurt so much.

  
"I have a gift for you, my beauty.” He opened his hand and showed her a medallion; an oval shaped silver medallion with the symbol of the Chantry and little letter C carved in it.  
"My mother gave it to me when I was sent to the Chantry. I would be honoured if you wore it."

  
"It's... it's beautiful." She smiled. He helped her to put it on. "I'll always wear it."

  
He kissed her once again, just brushing her lips.

  
"I have to go now. The First Enchanter is waiting for me," she said.

  
He nodded and let her go.  
But he was right about that day. Something bad did happen. She helped her only friend, who had turned out to be a blood mage... and then that Grey Warden who was visiting the Circle recruited her. He saw her leaving and his heart broke. He went to his cell afterwards. He couldn't make peace with the fact that she was gone.  
The days that followed were empty and hollow, followed by sleepless nights.

  
Things got out of hand and the tension at the Circle boiled over. Blood mages took over the Circle. He was imprisoned and tortured for weeks. His only thought was Circe and he hoped he'd see her again one day. The demons knew that. The Desire demons that haunted him had her face, her body, even her voice; trying to break him down. He was disgusted by all this.

  
But one day he saw her standing in front of him and she was not alone. She was there, with one more elder mage, and another man and a woman.  
He cursed and offended her in front of everybody. He didn't want to surrender like everyone else had. He didn't believe it was really her... or didn't want to believe. When he was finally convinced, it was already too late. She had decided to support her fellow mages and he couldn't take it. While she was leaving, he noticed that a man that was with her hugged her around the waist.

  
Broken. He locked himself in his cell for days. No food, no water. No sleep. Just one huge abyss in his chest. A few days later, maybe even a week passed by –he had stopped counting- and Greagoir insisted on seeing him. On his way to the Greagoir's office, Cullen heard a few mages gossiping about him. He got blind with anger and hit them with a Holy Smite.

  
That had been it. A trip to Greenwell – his improvement and hardening to be more vigilant to mages. Since he’d lost her, not one mage deserved mercy.  
After the blight was ended by the Grey Wardens - by her, Cullen was sent to the Free Marches, to the city of Kirkwall. His own experiences with mages led him to become far too harsh a watcher, and Greagoir had thought it best to keep him away from the Fereldan mages. Kirkwall, being one of the most controversial Circles, was the perfect place for Cullen to carry on with his Templar career. His own opinions towards mages also greatly meshed with the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall, Meredith, and as such, Cullen found himself promoted rather quickly to Knight-Captain.

  
The young recruits were a bit intimidated by him, but they also felt great respect.  
Cullen didn't want them to feel that way. One night he even let them take him to the Blooming Rose. He’d heard some disturbing rumors about Circe – she was the King's mistress. He needed to forget about her, at least for one night. But there was a girl at the Blooming Rose. She looked incredibly much like Circe. He got heavily drunk, and she took his hand. He followed her like a blind man.  
Cullen felt so dirty after that, and he hated Circe even more. He never went to the Blooming Rose again.

  
The years passed by. All that he knew about her was that she’d become Commander of the Grey of Ferelden. That man who’d been with her that day at the Circle... he was the King now. And Circe was his.  
He tried not to think about her often, but it was hard. He even bought a lovely tiny wooden box at the Hightown market and put the wisp of her hair in it. It was the only thing that he had left from her and it was still precious to him.

  
And then one day - in the middle of Qunari war, as he lay on the cold ground, blown away by a Saarebas... He thought he saw her... running towards him... screaming his name. Was it really her? He thought he was dying. He felt her hands on his face and opened his eyes. But he remembered – that other man's embrace, the rumors that she was the King's mistress, even that she was carrying the King's child... He was disgusted by all that and anger took over him. He drew a sword at her and looked at her. Maker, those eyes... and she was still wearing the medallion he’d given her years ago...

  
He noticed her eyes watering and he felt the need to protect her once again. But no, it couldn’t be! She was a mage, and the King's whore!  
He withdrew his sword and pushed her away once again. He thought he wouldn’t see her ever again.

  
He was wrong. The very next day, Knight-Commander Meredith called him to her office. She discharged him, told him to pick up his things, and go and meet the Grey Wardens at the Docks.  
He was beyond angry, but he followed the orders, as he had all through his life.

  
He realized he didn't exactly hate Circe. He wanted to punish her for betraying what they once had, for taking away his Templar life, for being with another man. But seeing her again every day caused his hatred to start melting.

  
 _"Listen..." Samuel said while they were dining, a few days after his incident with Velanna and Nathaniel. "I don't want to preach you... but..." Sam sighed. "If you care for her, you should show her. It's not like we're going to live forever."_  
 _"W-what? What does that mean?" Cullen asked confused._  
 _"Oh...crap. You still don't know..." Samuel froze for a second._  
 _"Know what?" Cullen asked frowning._  
 _"I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you. Circe-I mean Commander will be very angry."_  
 _"Samuel, please..."_  
 _"Oh, fine..."Samuel sighed and put down his fork. "The taint...Well, basically, the taint is poison. Most people succumb to its effects and die immediately. The stronger ones aren't killed by the poison, but it's a death sentence. Ultimately your body won't be able to take it. So, we'll all live for 20... 25 years the most."_  
 _"W-what?! Why didn't she tell me that?"_  
 _"I don't know. Maybe she didn't want you to hate her even more." Samuel shrugged._  
 _Cullen backed off a bit._  
 _"I don't hate her. Does she think I hate her?"_  
 _"Everyone does." Samuel said calmly and continued eating._  
 _"Oh, Maker...I have to...solve that somehow." he shook his head._

  
He thought about Sam's words. He watched her every day: her interactions with other Wardens; her smiles and giggles; her brotherly love towards Nathaniel; her firmness towards recruits; the enormous respect she got from others. And it got to him – it was her. The love of his life. His soul mate. His Circe.  
And this was where he belonged...  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my Beta- Graymalkyn~


	14. Chapter 14

They arrived at the Keep just in time for dinner. They all gathered at the dining room at once. Circe, Nathaniel and Velanna sat at one table. Samuel and Cullen were at the other one.   
Circe did not feel as hungry as she had expected, so she played with her food. She looked at him- Cullen- and noticed he was watching her. They exchanged a few shy glances, quick smiles.

  
Nathaniel dropped his fork. "Maker's breath! Will you two please stop this and work things out? You're acting like children!" he frowned.

  
"I'm sorry, Nate." Circe blushed. They saw Cullen leaving the dining room.

  
"You should talk to him." Nate stated.

  
"I am talking to him."

  
He sighed. "You know what I mean."

  
"Fine. I'll visit him after I finish this." she said and finally took a few bites.   
Nate just nodded.   
  


* * *

  
  
Circe knocked on Cullen's room door and opened it. "Hey... Am I disturbing you?"

  
He sat at his desk and smiled when he saw her. He had changed his clothes; he was wearing a casual linen shirt and breeches. "Not at all. I was just finishing a letter."

  
"Oh... to some...girl back in Kirkwall?" she winked.

  
"W-what? Don't be silly." He blushed a bit and shifted in his seat. "I'm writing to my mother."

  
"Is everything’s all right?" she said while she sat on the sofa.

  
"I suppose it is. I just wanted to let her know that I'm back in Ferelden. She'll be pleased." He lowered his head and then looked at her. "Hope you don't mind."

  
"No, of course not," she said and then paused. "You never told me about your family."

  
“My parents... were simple people. We had–have a farm in the plains of Drakon River.  Moffatt," he said it proudly, "means ‘from the long plain’. Proud, hardworking people. We were not exactly poor, but still... They sent me to the Chantry when I was 9, to get a decent education and, eventually, to be of service. My father was a loyal Fereldan, so when King Maric disappeared, he volunteered to be part of one of the search party that were sent after him. He never came back.  Riona, my mother, never got over it. I was at the Circle when that happened. That day ...when I ran into you... that letter I dropped..." he shook his head.

  
Circe put a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

  
"Don't... That day was not so bad after all. I met you," he gave her a warm smile. "I'm just sorry for my mother. She stayed all alone," he sighed.

  
"But...she's not alone. She has you."

  
“I had…a sister once." he said and took her hand.

  
"Had?" she covered his hand with hers.

    
"Never met her. She died not long after her birth. I was born a year after. That’s why Mom was a bit overprotective sometimes," he chuckled. He got up and knelt beside her.   
"I know about the taint…about the short life," he said suddenly. Circe was shocked.    
She opened her mouth trying to say something.

  
“Samuel told me." He continued. She frowned. "Don't be mad at him." He caressed her cheek. "I figured it all out. My whole life, I was looking for a purpose. Some goal, something to reach to." He brushed a wisp of hair away from her face. "Now, I’ve found it. It’s being a Grey Warden. There's no greater honor." He swallowed heavily. "And being with you. Because **you** are my life. "

  
Circe was fighting the tears she felt – happy tears. She hugged him tightly.

  
"Cullen… I need you."

  
"I'm here." He hugged her back. She sobbed.

  
"You won't leave?" she managed to say through sobs.

  
"Never." he sank his face in her hair and hugged her tighter.

  
He pulled away from the hug and lifted her chin. He brushed her tears mildly with his thumb. He leaned in gently. He was just inches away from her lips and she closed her eyes.

  
"Commander! Quick! It's urgent!" Samuel knocked hard on the door.

  
Circe sighed, annoyed, and rolled her eyes. "Well...the taint thing I can forgive, but this..."

  
"Shhhh... it's OK." he traced his fingers over her mouth. "We'll continue later," Cullen chuckled as he got up.

  
"Will we?" Circe raised her eyebrows.

  
He pulled her to her feet and put a sweet kiss on her closed lips. "Do you doubt it?"

  
She grinned and went to open the door.

  
"Yes, Sam? What happened?"

  
"We got a letter. From Weisshaupt Headquarters." He handed it to her.

  
Circe took the scroll and read it. It was obvious from her facial expression that she was deeply disturbed about this note.

  
"Sam... Get Nathaniel and Velanna... Prepare everyone for a briefing. We have a new mission. An important one."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	15. Chapter 15

"Good evening, Wardens. This briefing is on the current state of emergency in the Deep Roads. Namely, we got the report from Weisshaupt Headquarters that one of our Orlesian brothers, Senior Grey Warden Stroud, and his team went missing somewhere near the Amgarrak Thaig. This quest is of high importance. The Amgarrak Thaig is a very hostile place, so, unfortunately, casualties are inevitable. I already sent a word to the Senior Wardens Oghren and Sigrun. They will go with me, along with five younger Wardens, plus Samuel and Cullen. Nathaniel and Velanna will stay here, so the rest of you won't be unsupervised."

 

She took a few steps about. "Nathaniel will now read the names of the Wardens chosen for this mission. Please, get ready. We're leaving at dawn. Thank you."

 

Circe and Nathaniel switched places. "As the Commander said, here's the list of Wardens chosen for this mission: Calum, Torrence, Ruvena, Alan and Cillian. Plus Cullen and Samuel. Thank you once again."

 

As Nate read the list, Circe looked at Cullen. He didn't take his eyes off of her.

* * *

The briefing was over. Circe thanked everyone once again and wished them good night. She headed to her bedroom.

 

Someone grabbed her hand. "Hey...where are you going?"

 

"To sleep." She kept walking. He followed her.

 

"Oh...all right. I-I'm sorry-"

 

"Cullen, I'm tired. And we have an important task ahead of us," she frowned.

 

"Hey, hey..."

She stopped.

 

"You're not alone anymore. I'm here. We're in this together."

 

She looked at him, seriously at first. Then, a small smile formed on her face. He noticed that they were in front of his room and opened the door and entered. He reached out for her hand and she grabbed onto his. "My Circe..." he said softly, his voice barely a whisper. She entered the room and closed the door behind her.

 

"Now...where were we?" he pulled her into his embrace. Their eyes locked together.

 

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hi," she grinned.

 

She got on the tip of her toes and was really close to his lips. This time he didn't hesitate.

At first his kiss was feather-light, his lips barely brushing hers. When their lips met for the second time, the kiss was longer, more intense, pressing against each other. His lips moved to her jawbone and then down her neck.

She gasped.

He knew he couldn't stop. He was dangerously close to losing control, but he couldn't resist her. His hands entwined in her hair, his lips were searching out for hers once more, each time more probing than before.

She tightened her arms around his neck.

He stopped for a second, looking at the depths of those bright green eyes, and crushed his lips to hers once again, his tongue forcing them apart.

She let out a small moan.

His hands roamed all over her body and she couldn't stop shuddering under his touch.

She took a step back and took off her dress, staying only in her undies. He inhaled sharply and admired her beauty for a while.

She smiled and took one of his hands and placed it on her left breast. He grabbed her by the waist with the other hand and kissed her again, massaging her nipple slightly between his thumb and index finger. He broke the kiss and focused on her breasts. He did the same with the right breast as he did with the left one. He leaned in and used his tongue and lips to lightly suck and lick her nipples while they were still between his fingers.

Circe started moaning. She gripped the bottom of his linen shirt and pulled it up. He stopped and took it off. He was perfect. She caressed his broad shoulders. Her lips buried onto his neck as her fingers glided down his chiseled chest and abs. He flexed his muscles under her touch and squeezed her buttocks.

Cullen picked her up and walked with her towards the bed. He placed her gently on it.

Circe took off her undies and spread her legs. A sheen of wetness glistened along the insides of her bare thighs and it became evident to him how fiercely she wanted him.

He couldn't handle it anymore. He dropped his breeches and his undies.

She bit her lips and reached for him. He took her arm and positioned him above her.

They looked at each other. He loved those eyes. Without a word he found her opening and slowly plunged every millimetre of his throbbing length into her. They both moaned with sheer pleasure.

She put her arms around his shoulders. He started moving slowly, wanting it to last. He wanted to evoke that first night. His strokes were slow as he realized he was making love to her again – the love of his life. His tongue explored her mouth while his hands explored her body. She caressed his back with her fingertips.

His intensity increased. He put both his hands under her hips to bring her closer to him. She lifted her hips and grinded against him. He moaned loudly. Her cries also became louder.

He quickened up his pace and gripped her tighter. Soon after she tensed up, she threw her head back and shuddered with a tremendous orgasm. He was undone by the sweet sound and paused to kiss her yet again. He could not control himself anymore. His own orgasm soon followed as his hot load shot out of his manhood deep inside her. She held him firmly against her.

They both giggled as he fell onto her, still out of breath and pressing his body against hers. They lay there in each other's arms, exhausted and truly happy... at least for that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	16. Chapter 16

Cullen woke up slightly before dawn. He looked at Circe, who was peacefully sleeping in his arms. The early morning light reflected on her dark skin. She was irresistible. He smiled. She was there and she was his.

Gently, he raised the hair away from the back of her neck and kissed her with some playful and firm kisses there. He breathed in and inhaled her scent.

She woke up and smiled without opening her eyes.

"Is this a dream?" she mumbled. He kissed her neck and the hollow beneath her ear and pulled her to him.

"Does it feel like a dream?" he whispered in a still sleepy raspy voice.

"Yes, a very good dream." She felt his hardness. His hand, which was over her waist, slid down to her mound and he noticed she was already wet.

"Spread your legs for me," he whispered in her ear. She turned on her back and did as he asked, not opening her eyes yet. He shifted his weight, settling between her thighs.

Her eyes shot open and she moaned softly when she felt him sliding into her slowly.

"Cullen..." She whispered as she reached his head and buried her fingers into his golden hair.

He started moving slowly, kissing her shoulder.

"W-we have... no time..." she moaned.

"Shhhh..." He held her legs and planted soft kisses on her knees and her thighs. His pace was strong and fast. She felt the warmness building up inside her body. She reached her peak fast when she felt Cullen releasing his hot seed into her womb. She almost screamed with pleasure. He grinned. He pulled out, leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Now...let's get ready, shall we? " he said.

"Hey! I'm the Commander here." She hit his shoulder playfully.

"Oh...and ... " his hand glided down her body and he touched her swollen labia. "What are the Commander's orders?" he kissed her softly.

She gasped and then breathed in deeply. "We're getting ready."

"Are you su-

"Cullen!"

"All right, Commander," he smiled. Cullen got up from the bed and helped her get up. He didn't resist and kissed her once again passionately.

* * *

Circe and Cullen were already late for departure.

The younger Wardens were already lined up and ready: the two warriors together, Alan, an older two-handed warrior, and Torrence; then, the two rogues – Ruvena, a young girl, and Calum; and the mage Cillian, by whom the others were a bit intimidated, since he was pretty cruel in fight.

Nathaniel, Velanna and Sigrun were waiting for them with their arms crossed and a sulky expression on their faces. The only ones that grinned from ear to ear were Oghren and Sam. Oghren even nudged Sam while Circe and Cullen were approaching.

Cullen blushed. Circe cleared her throat.

"So...are we all ready?"

" **They** were ready half an hour ago." Nathaniel replied insolently and pointed at the younger Wardens.

Circe cut him off with her eyes and raised her eyebrow. "Perfect. Then we trained them well." She approached to stable boy who held her horse. "We have a long way ahead of us. It'll take us at least two weeks to get there. We'll stop to Silvererest, Whitfield, Emdale and Edgewater to get fresh horses. When we reach Orzammar, we'll go on foot," she said to the younger Wardens and got on her horse. "I plan for us to be at least near Mimel at night time. Now..."

"Circe..." Nathaniel approached her and stopped her. "Do you wish us to inform His Majesty about this?"

"Absolutely not! This is a secret mission."

Nathaniel lowered his head and sighed. "Fine... Take care," he whispered.

She gave him a weak smile. "Don't worry, Nate."  
Nathaniel sighed and walked over to Cullen. "Take care of her. She may look like she's fierce and indestructible, but-"

"Nathaniel. I know her. I love her. I'd give my life for her."

"Thank you." Nate muttered.

"I'll keep her safe." Cullen reassured him and got on his horse. Nathaniel just nodded.

Circe looked at the others. "Let's go!"

* * *

It started raining not long after their departure.

"Um... Commander?" Circe heard whining somewhere behind her and sighed.

"Yes, Ruvena?"

"Can we stop somewhere? Please?"

Circe was just about to answer, but then she felt something.

"it's just-

"Be quiet." Circe interrupted Ruvena.

"But-

"Shut up!" Circe said and got off her horse.

She sensed them. Maybe 50 meters ahead there was a group of Darkspawn. One hurlock and three genlocks. Scouts.

"Sigrun..." Circe said quietly, almost whispering.

"I feel it." Sigrun answered calmly.

Finally, they saw them.

"A rogue!" Circe yelled and cast Cone of Cold on a genlock rogue. Alan beheaded him swiftly.

The hurlock attacked fiercely, but they managed to put him down quickly. The genlocks were even easier to defeat.

Circe was mad. She looked at Ruvena and walked stormily towards her. She grabbed her arm and dragged her to the genlock corpse.

"Look!" Circe said. Ruvena refused to look. She was afraid.

Circe took her face and made her look at the dead Genlock. Ruvena whimpered.

"Do you see it? This is the least threat we'll fight." Circe let her go. "So stop whining about a few drops of rain! Understood?!"

Ruvena just nodded and got back to her horse.

Circe rubbed her forehead and sighed.

"Let's move on," she said, while she got on her horse as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	17. Chapter 17

They had just gone across Gherlen's Pass and decided to set camp one last time before reaching Orzammar. Calum and Torrence hunted a few rabbits in the area and roasted them for dinner.

Circe sat on a log beside the fire. Her mind wandered.

Their journey would soon reach its peak. The Deep Roads. She knew someone would die. As she had said - it was inevitable.

They travelled for almost 2 weeks.

They had been visiting the Chantries in every village they'd stopped by. Circe wasn't a devoted Andrastian, but she loved to give them small donations. It was a habit she had inherited from Alistair, or maybe because she was an orphan herself... or even because of Cullen. She wasn't sure. She loved to see those kids happy. They usually approached them, touching their armors, touching her staff, admiring them. The same thing happened in the Chantry of Edgewater. The kids were curious and approached them.

But... There was one boy. He was maybe 6 or 7 years old, sitting at the back of the Chantry. There was something about him.

_"That boy..." Circe said quietly to Sister Gwendolyn._

_Sister Gwendolyn turned around to see who she was referring to._

_"Oh..." she sighed deeply. "That's Joash. He's a good boy. Just a little sad. And reluctant."_

_Circe took a good look at the little boy. He had big dark blue eyes and messy dark hair tied up in a little pony tail. He glanced in her direction. Suddenly some new feeling embraced her. An overwhelming feeling of sheer happiness and rush of love. She smiled. A tiny smile formed on his face, too._

_"How did he end up here?" Circe asked Sister Gwendolyn._

_"His parents died during the Blight."_

_She gasped. "Poor child."_

_Cullen watched her from a little distance while she talked to the Chantry Sister. He approached her slowly._

_"Commander... We really should go."_

_She looked at him and nodded. She said goodbye to the Sister and glanced at Joash once again._

_Cullen let her pass in front of him and he himself glanced at Joash and smiled._

* * *

"So... The Commander sure loves Chantry fellas..." Oghren said while he sat next to Cullen.

Cullen frowned and looked at him in shock. "Excuse me?"

Oghren winked and nugded him. "Ha! Ya know...first that pike twirler... now you..."

"That is absolutely **none** of your business!"

"Oh, cheer up! I'm just teasing you."

"That is not a polite way to talk about your Commander."

"What?! Oh, loosen up, Chantry boy! I was trying to have a relaxed conversation here." Oghren got up and walked away mumbling.

Cullen just shook his head.

* * *

Sigrun sat next to Circe and brought her a piece of meat and bread. Circe smiled thankfully. Oghren approached to the place where Sigrun and Circe sat.

"Ya know? I thought the previous one was tight up, but this one!" he said jabbing his thumb back over his shoulder, pointing to Cullen.

Before Circe could react, Sigrun hissed.

"Oghren... Shut up. "

" _Oghren, shut up_?" he burst into a laughter. "You surely didn't talk like that that night." He winked and left to his tent.

Circe was just about to take a bite off the meat she held in her hands and she almost dropped it when she heard this. She looked at Sigrun.

Sigrun shifted in her seat, frowned and then noticed that Circe was looking at her.

"What?!"

Circe crooked her head. "That... night?" she blinked a few times. "What night?"

Sigrun lowered her head and sighed.

"There was one night... when we...-"

"Maker!"

"It was... Look, we were worried about you. That guy wasn't waking up, " she pointed at Cullen "and we waited for news. Any news. So, when we finally heard that he woke up and that he was OK, we were happy for you... and decided to celebrate. And... I guess I had bit too much ale... plus Oghren's family recipe...-"

"But... _Oghren_?!"

"I know, I know!" she rubbed her forehead. "I don't wanna talk about it. I'm going to sleep. Long day tomorrow."

"Good night, Sigrun."

"G'night."

Sigrun headed to her tent. On her way there she spotted a couple – Ruvena was leaning on a tree and Alan was caressing her hair. Ruvena giggled.

"It's true. Ginger girls are the prettiest... but not one is prettier than you." he leaned slowly to kiss her.

"Ugh! I think I'm gonna throw up." Sigrun muttered disgusted. They both jumped a little when she said this, but she continued walking to her tent.

* * *

"A sovereign for your thoughts." Cullen said.

She looked at him and smiled. "Wow... A whole sovereign."

"You're worth it." he teased her. She giggled.

"Is it that boy? In the last Chantry we visited?"

"You... How do you know?"

"I noticed the way you were looking at him. You had... a certain glow when he turned around and glanced at you."

She lowered her head. "I guess I did. I never thought about having kids of my own."

" **Our** own," he corrected her.

"Yes. Our own." she sighed. "But, it's impossible."

"Because of the taint?" he asked. She didn't answer – just nodded.

"Circe... I have you. More than I ever hoped for. That's enough for me."

"But..." she said forcing back the tears.

"Shhh," he caressed her cheek.

"I wish I could give you a boy like Joash." She whispered, looking him in the eye.

"Why don't we adopt Joash?" he said bluntly. She was a bit shocked.

"I'm serious. After this mission, if everything goes well, we could take him with us on our way back to the Keep."

"But he's just a little boy."

"And he'll be our little boy."

" _ **Our**_... that sounds lovely." she smiled and hugged him tightly.

He kissed her hair. "I love you; you know that, right?" He felt her nodding.

"Now... Let's go to sleep." He picked her up into his arms and carried her into their tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	18. Chapter 18

"It's so nice of Bhelen to send his second in command to greet us." Circe said, while they entered the Deep Roads.

"I wasn't surprised. At least Vartag Gavorn is better than some servant. I wonder how he knew we were in Orzammar in the first place," Sigrun answered.

"Well, it's not like we blend. We do stand up. And there's a lot of us." Circe shrugged. "Plus, he has spies everywhere, I'm sure."

"True," Sigrun agreed.

"All right. Here we are. Aeducan Thaig, then Caridin's Cross. From there, there's a secret tunnel that leads to Amgarrak Thaig."

"And we couldn't even stop by the tavern? Not even for one drink?" Oghren asked.

"No." Cullen, Sigrun and Circe said at once.

"Let's go," Circe said.

They walked through a huge hallway, until Circe led them to one of the exits on the right.

"Here we go. Ready?" they all nodded. Some took a deep breath.

She entered a passage in the caverns. There were torches in every few meters.

Then they spotted a first group of darkspawn. Circe gave a signal to Calum. He subtly sneaked around and ran over to a Genlock Emissary. He stabbed him from behind and stunned him, while the others took care of five other genlocks. Cillian helped him by throwing a fireball at the Emissary, which made Calum hit the ground, too. The Emissary was dead. So were the others. Calum rose from the ground angrily brushing dust off his armor. Cillian put on his famous creepy smile and watched him with his big green eyes.

"Everything OK?" Cullen asked Calum.

"Yes. Everything is in order."

"Let's move on." Cullen said. Circe let them further.

The path which was full of scattered darkspawn corpses led into one huge hall. There they encountered just three darkspawn; one of them was a Genlock Alpha. Cillian cast Drain Life and hexed it with Vulnerability, beating the Alpha.

"You son of a bitch! You stole my kill!" Calum yelled at him.

Cillian froze in place and cocked his head. "What did you call me?" he asked.

"I could have handled him!" Calum was raging.

Cillian held his head high and took a few steps towards Calum, hissing, "I asked- What. Did. You. Call. Me?"

Calum took a few steps towards him too, locking his eyes with Cillian's.

Cullen stepped between them. "Come on, boys. Calm down."

"Don't you tell me what to do, _Templar_!" Calum shoved Cullen.

At that point, a pack of the Deep Stalkers attacked them. Sam and Torrence did most of the killing. Circe looked at Calum. She rushed to him and pushed him against the cavern wall. He felt a blade against his throat.

"If you're so eager to die, I'll send you to your death right now gladly. But do not even think of endangering your brothers and sisters ever again." Circe whispered.

She stepped back and withdrew her blade.

"I'm...sorry, Commander. I apologize."

Circe frowned. "Sam!" she called him. He was at her side in a second.

"We'll camp here. You and Ruvena will be on watch first."

Sam nodded and went to pass orders to the others.

* * *

"Come here. It'll be OK, sweetheart. Come..." Alan dragged Ruvena to one of the cavern passages.

"No. The Commander will be mad," she whispered and pouted. He took her in his arms and nuzzled her neck. "Come on... Don't tell me you don't feel it..." he whispered.

She gasped. "Alan..."

He kissed her softly. "Trust me. We're safe here." He looked into her eyes and saw his own passion mirrored in her eyes. He kissed her once again, more passionately this time.

He stepped back. "Let me check one more time if the area is clear."

She smiled lightly and watched him go away.

Alan walked about twenty meters and made sure there was no one around. He came back with a huge grin to Ruvena. But she was not smiling. She watched him with eyes and mouth wide open, holding her chest. She fell on her knees and then face down.

Alan saw three arrows in her back and noticed two Genlock archers behind her. He had no sword with him and turned to head back to the camp. He bumped into Sam, who looked surprised at him, then at the dead Ruvena, then at the Genlocks. He didn't have his staff with him, but he threw fireballs at them and defeated them easily.

Alan ran towards Ruvena.

"It's all my fault... My fault..." he started sobbing, caressing her ginger hair.

Sam approached him. "The Commander needs to know about this. I'll go get her," he said calmly.

* * *

Sam was crossing a small brick bridge when he thought he heard something. He stopped and turned around, but saw nothing. He sensed darkspawn, but couldn't see them. He started walking towards the camp again.

Once he crossed the bridge he turned around once again.

He spotted the pack of Shadow Shrieks too late. He threw a fireball, but missed. He ran to reach for help, but he stumbled and hit the floor. The Shrieks ran to him. He stood up quickly and ran again, but the Alpha Shriek overwhelmed Sam, throwing him on the ground, face down. He managed to turn to him and tried to cast a spell, but it all turned into a desperate struggle to avoid the Shriek's claws. The Alpha Shriek emitted a haunting scream. In a split second the whole pack surrounded Sam. He tried to get up once again, but felt deep cuts across his chest. He found himself breathing heavily... A death rattle... He tried to yell, to scream, but he couldn't.

He lost consciousness.

* * *

Circe and the other Wardens heard the Alpha Shriek's howl and ran to see what was going on. Circe just knew something was very wrong.

And there it was- the sight she saw left her knees weak. The Shrieks were scattering, only a few of them still stood by Sam's shredded body. She felt a deep, bitter hatred and cast Chain Lightning, which killed them swiftly.

She knelt beside Sam. His torso was badly hurt. The Shrieks had shredded him so much that his insides were visible. His legs had almost been cut off of his body. A strong metallic smell of rust and salt filled her nostrils. She frowned. She put a hand below his back and lifted him a bit carefully.

She brushed some hair off his sticky, bloodied face. With her palm, she tried to stop the blood that was rushing into his eyes from his scalp. He gasped and semi-opened his eyes.

"Co... Commander?" he said with barely a whisper.

"I'm here, Sam."

"I cannot see you."

Circe pressed her lips and swallowed heavily.

"I'm...sorry I...failed you, Commander"

"Shut up. Don't say that!"

He tried to smile. Blood poured out of his mouth and he coughed.

Circe was on the verge of crying, but she had to stay strong for the others.

"Cillian!" she yelled. Her voice was shaky and thus betrayed her.

"Commander?"

"Run and check his bag. There has to be something. Some potion, some poultice!"

Sam grabbed her hand. "No," he coughed again, blood spewing out of his mouth.

She looked at him eyes wide open; helpless, not knowing what to say.

"It's getting dark," he gulped loudly.

"Sam... No... Don't go!" Circe bawled, but it sounded more like a plea than an order.

"I... Forgive me. I must continue this journey... alone..." he tried to smile once again, but instead, he exhaled. The hand that held Circe's lost its grip and fell loose on the cold hard ground of the Deep Roads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~


	19. Chapter 19

_9:33 Dragon Age_

_The training that day was particularly hard. The heat was unbearable. Circe was occupied with the newcomers when she heard yelling coming from the gates of the Keep._

_The sun was high and scorching, so she had to shield her eyes to see better what was going on. Nathaniel yelled at one man while the two other Wardens held him._

_A mage! The man was a mage in dark blue and golden robes. He lowered his head and his loose, long light-blond hair covered his young face._

_Circe's heart raced. Could it be...?_

_"Anders!" she cried out loud of excitement, before she realized what she'd done._

_"Commander?" asked one of the Wardens that were standing right next to her._

_"Nothing... Carry on," she said mechanically, and rushed to Nathaniel._

_The mage lifted his head and saw her. A huge grin appeared on his face._

_Circe frowned. She was disappointed. It was not Anders._

_"Commander," Nathaniel spoke. "I found this apostate. This is the second time he's tried to reach you."_

_"An apostate?" Circe raised her eyebrow. "So... every mage outside the Circle is an apostate? Am I an apostate as well, Nathaniel?" she asked in a strict tone._

_"N-no... I mean... I apologize-" Nate said._

_"Leave."_

_"Of course," Nate obeyed._

_"And you – let go of that boy," she said to the Wardens that were holding him."I'm sure I'm more than capable to handle him myself." The second she'd said it, the two Wardens let go of the mage._

_"Now..." she approached the mage. "Who are you?"_

_"My name is Samuel. I escaped the Circle to get here." He took a step towards her, but she didn't back off."I've been listening about you for years. You're my idol!" The boy was ecstatic._

_Circe's eyes widened in surprise and she couldn't help but burst into laughter._

_"So..." she said smiling. "There you go. You've met me. Now you should go back to the Circle. I don't want any trouble with Greagoir or Irving." She turned on her heels and headed back to the Keep._

_Samuel ran after her._

_"But, please! I'm an orphan. I have no family whatsoever. And the Circle is... Well, you know. Please. Let me become a Grey Warden. Let this become my family."_

_She stopped and looked at him. "How old are you?"_

_He straightened out. "I'm twenty-one." he said proudly._

_Circe pursed her lips._

_"All right... I'm eighteen." He lowered his head._

_She sighed. "You_ do _realize that there are consequences, right?"_

_"Does that mean-"_

_"Yes, yes. Nathaniel!" she called him out. "We have a new recruit." She looked at Sam. He was grinning from ear to ear._

* * *

Silence.

For a moment no one moved. It seemed like everyone had stopped breathing, too.

Cullen made his way to Circe and put his hand on her shoulder. He felt she was trembling.

"Circe..." he said quietly.

She didn't respond.

"Put him down, sweetheart."

She did what he'd said automatically.

He helped her get up. Her hands were stained with blood, but he didn't care.

"Er...Cullen?" Cillian pointed to the bridge.

Alan was crossing it, carrying Ruvena's dead body in his arms.

"Maker!" Cullen gasped.

Circe was like a stone. No facial expressions; not one emotion shown in her face.

Alan reached them. He looked desperate. He was still sobbing. A few wisps of dark brown hair escaped his ponytail and stuck to his face.

"Commander... I'm-"

"Put her down next to Sam." Circe said coldly.

He did as she had told him.

Circe turned to the other Wardens. She made a pause to take a good look at all of them. Everyone stared at her, waiting for her next step, her order.

"Let's move on," she just said.

* * *

They walked in silence for almost a day. They reached deep into Caridin's Cross. No one dared to say a word.

Cullen took a look to the Wardens. They were exhausted. He sighed.

"Commander?"

Nothing. She was ignoring him.

"Circe?" He put a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him.

"We've been walking for almost a day. We need to find some place and set camp."

She opened her mouth as if she were to protest, but stopped herself.

"All right. There's a passage over here. I think it's safer than the rest of the thaig."

They set camp. Circe put Oghren and Sigrun on watch. She didn't want to risk their lives by appointing younger Wardens to that duty anymore.

They only had some stale bread for dinner.

_"Woah! Who made this?" Sigrun asked with a mouth full._

_"This bread?" Circe smiled. "Sam did."_

_They all looked at him. He blushed._

_"I'm not overstating when I say that this is, by far, the most delicious bread I've ever eaten." Nathaniel claimed._

_"What's your secret?" Sigrun asked._

_"Magic." Sam smiled. Sigrun smiled, too._

_"I guess this kid is good at least at one thing, right, Commander?" Sam said and winked._

_"Oh, shush." Circe giggled._

Circe put her piece of bread aside and refused to eat it. She got up silently and went to her tent. Cullen was confused. He left his piece of bread and followed her.

He lay down beside her and embraced her. Soon he dozed off.

* * *

Some time later, Cullen roused from his sleep and realized Circe was not there. He rushed off outside the tent and saw her going alone into a cavern.

He decided to follow her. It was pretty dark, but Cullen spotted her leaning her head against cavern wall.

"Circe?" Cullen called her. She turned around. "Go away." she said with a shaky voice. He knew she was crying. He rushed to her and hugged her. "Leave me alone." She resisted and tried to push him away.

"No." He tightened his grip and she soon stopped fighting.

"Just... hold me..." Circe grabbed him. He held her so tight. She caressed his back. The caress turned into a passionate embrace as she shoved herself against him and dug her nails into his back. She slipped her hand into his breeches and grabbed his manhood.

He pushed her away. "No, Circe."

"Please, Cullen..."

"Stop it!" He grabbed both of her hands.

"Please..." She started crying again. "Do this for me... please..." she pleaded. "I need to feel alive."

He shouldn't do this on impulse, but he couldn't deny her anything now. He knew what he had to do. He kissed her roughly, grabbed her by her waist and turned her against the cavern wall. He stripped her pants down with some tearing and bent her over a bit. Without any hesitation he pulled down his own trousers, and guided his shaft into her opening. He entered in one swift movement. She almost cried out. He wasn't gentle. He gripped her shoulders and thrust hard. This was no love making. This was pure need. She wanted to feel alive, and he obliged.

His thrusts were ruthless, his rhythm brutal, but at one moment he stopped. "Maker...I... don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

She turned her head and their eyes locked.

"Please..." she begged.

He continued ramming into her hard, gripping her breasts, but he kept control until she'd found her release. He reached his own not long after her and pulled out.

Circe collapsed on floor and knelt hugging herself. She started crying uncontrollably.

Cullen froze and wasn't sure what to do. He knelt beside her and hugged her tightly. He kissed her hair. "Let it out. Let it all out," he whispered.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~SPECIAL THANKS to my betas- Graymalkyn and Eynla~

**Author's Note:**

> ****Title is a verse from a song "Bring me to life", by Evanescence.***


End file.
